Daily report # last day of orientation week

-
Today wasn't long. But I felt so exhausted, like I am getting myself used to feeling tired most of the time from next week on wards. Maybe it's something else? I had trouble falling asleep yesterday and I woke up even before the alarm clock did. And perhaps my physical body is exhausted by the overwhelming adrenaline bursts that's most of the time filling into the bloodstream. 

I'm anxious about hospital life. But I feel great now that I'm at the second phase, one step nearer to my dream/ambition. I'll soon be in stuck to a routine of daily activities which require much discipline. I'm looking forward to it, even though I know nothing will be easy. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

EQ and communications

-
Now I'm sitting at the passenger seat of a 4WD. Listening to my parents' pre-vacation arguments (which almost always happened), I came to a conclusion. 1. People who do not change for betterment do not usually move on with life. By saying so, it simply means they continue to suffer from anger and many more emotional disturbances from within. At the same time, these people also inflict psychological pain to the surrounding people. I believe in karma. Some people think that believing so is an excuse for people who cannot change things around them. Because we can't take active steps to avoid conflicts, we are forced to take it as something that has a low chance of changing. In other words, we want to comfort our hurt souls that it's not our fault that things do not work the way we want. 2. I am most likely not getting married if I do not meet a person who is capable of maintaining meaningful, two-way conversations. Communication is the basis of everything. I believe ...
Read more

Jan 2023

-
Such an overwhelming day today.  Time flies like an arrow. Little did I realise it is already the last day of January.  New year Eve of 2022 has long passed and Chinese New Year is ending soon; they felt like yesterday. Therefore, it's been 8 months since I joined Psychiatry in this new work place.  Learning curve has been flattening and I am feeling moody on days when I feel I can't get enough learning.  Let me come back to the point. Everything that happened today has put me in a position that I had to settle almost all of it on my own. Retrospectively, I was panicky and I found my voice trembling. To be honest, I was never left in such a helpless situation. I was in great despair for a short while from all the remarks I received from my superior during the aftermath. It made me think through a lot of things and I felt like my mind is in action again, after such a long time.  I had to speak to my friends. They made my voice tremble more because they reminded m...
Read more

期盼能有多一分能耐多一分力量

-
 好久没有上来这里了，是活得太幸福了吗？ 这里多半是流泪的时候，想不开的时候或者心揪着的时候才会来的地方。 这一两个礼拜我感觉肩膀很痛，突然之间时间不够用。 其实在充实和过劳之间可以只是一线之差。我为了寻梦，筑梦，一不小心让自己突然喘不过气来。今天独自在家，情绪忽然涌上心头，泪水就夺眶而出了。泪水不是为了身边人事物给我的问题而流的，是为了那个自觉很懦弱很没有用的自己而流的。三十几岁了，成家了，也有了算是不错性质的工作了，我以为我就是一个称职的成人了，应该可以活得还不错。可是面对社会给我的小麻烦，我怎么就惊觉我不会处理呢？每天在诊所给病人好多建设性意见去处理生活上麻烦的事情，可是自己遇到棘手的人事却惊慌失措了。朋友说，我还没经历过社会大学的挑战，所以还不会应对。难怪之前给一个病人做开导疗程的时候我的专科医生说我没经过风雨，怎么能够跟病人感同身受呢。泪水流下来，是因为我对自己的那份肯定突然消失了。一直以为自己很厉害，原来也不过如此。 好久没有觉得快崩溃的感觉了。是我活得太好了吗？ 突然觉得活着变得很累，很累。所以看到一家有几个小孩的家庭总是十分羡慕。他们是怎么撑起这个家的？为什么人家就可以了，我就不可以了？我缺了什么？也许，我缺的就是生活给我的荆棘。 30几岁了，我好像看到前方的路段照耀的光明了，走到转角处光明却又突然不见了。 P/S：希望自己变得更好，更坚强。
Read more