The Pacinian corpuscle

在我还没开始眯书之前，好想把一些小小片段记载下来。 ***************************************************************** 《疼痛》 今天第一次穿了妈妈给我的黑色达芙妮 楔形鞋，才发现原来女人为了美，真的需要承受痛苦。早上我就一直祈祷这双鞋子可以让我挨到下午回家。从学校的停车场走到4楼图书馆放下书包，再从学校走到3楼病房的距离在平时而言是无足挂齿的。可是今天早上，我必须屏住气，还要脸上挂着自信的神采，一步一步地使劲走。我觉得自己就像当年的汉族女子，因为骄子坏了而必须以三寸金莲徒步行走。啊，我说，这是何苦呢。 可是我好喜欢那双鞋子。可我不是为了美丽宁愿忍痛的个性啊。 《黏黏的热》 今天的天气真的好热好热。早上发生的事情太多了，记不住了，只知道在病房里我汗流浃背。我看着有些病人躺在床上，敞开衣裳也都在流汗。我穿着棉质半袖有领子的衣服，外加挂满笔记本子、钢笔、名牌及诊听器的白袍和黑色紧身长裤。突然还真有股冲动想脱下衣服呢。芙蓉的太阳啊，你就不能大发点慈悲吗。早上8点钟我的背部已经都湿漉漉的了，你说我一整天下来，能好受吗？反正今天一直到回家我自感觉浑身黏黏的。

亲爱的，你解脱了吗？ 我是一个对自己的情感极为敏感的人，所以也比较在乎当下的感受。可有件事我总是不明白。 首先，我的潜意识喜欢把自己的情感归类。简单来说，如果我用数字代表我的情感指数，2是快乐，0是伤感，而1便是快乐与伤感的平衡点。我也觉得我的情绪的波动可以用一个简单的波浪图来诠释。我还记得以前学微积分的时候，我总是对dy/dx的含义很感兴趣，因为我会不由自主地把它跟我的情绪相提并论。在一个简单的图形里，当dy/dx=0，那便是一个图形的最高峰或最低点。这时，我会联想到自己的情感处于最快乐或最伤心。图形是动态的，因此情感的东西也一样，一直在发生变化。这意味着，当你处于图形的最高峰，你即将面临的是走下坡的命运。相同的，当你在面对生命里最糟糕的事情，你不必担心，因为图形显示，你无法再走下坡，你只能走向更美好的境界。 我不知道这个理论在别人的生命里管不管用，可是活了这么久，我的“情感图形”总是像波浪图般，所以我觉得这是极合逻辑的。 那件让人费解的事情呢。 我总觉得当我处于情绪最高峰的时候，我知道我即将失去快乐，所以会有一段时间觉得有点可悲，因为知道快乐的时刻快要过去了。再过不久，我会陷入“伤感期”。我知道这时我开始“走下坡”。一直到我抵达平衡线时，我的情绪才得以中和。问题是，我觉得当我处于的峰顶越高，我接下来的可悲指数便会越高。这是我不明白的地方。因为假设我一直处于图形的平衡线上，我不会觉得特别开心，也不会被任何伤感的事情影响。所以我在想，如果我允许生命出现很多的高峰，那痛苦会不会也更多？我一直在想，会不会有一天我的高峰不会走下坡，却只会一直一直往上爬？如果能有这样的事情，我宁愿自己永远达不到最高峰，也不愿因为到了峰顶，而需要承受接下来的痛苦。 雨后疲累的精神总喜欢想一些稀奇古怪的东西。虽然如此，我从不觉得自己在胡说八道。 对了，今天我好像解脱了！ 怎么说呢，之前我不是一度觉得自己是傻瓜吗。 今天我徒步走上三楼病房的时候，我有了一些想法。 我觉得也许我真的想错了。也许那个人真的还没出现。也许那个人还在迷路当中。可是我从来不质疑自己的第六感。我觉得在这错误的当中，肯定有些部分是确实存在过的。也许因为某些原因，有些事情并没有如愿以偿。 那我错过了吗？ 也许，也也许不。因为我相信如果你是那个人，我的想法不会变成一个错误。我也或许不会从高峰

天下着绵绵细雨 心流着滚烫热血 精神何在 我迈出家门 呼气吸气 闭眼睁眼 视觉虽模糊 却脑袋清晰 我说 我喜欢这样的感觉 家外园林一颗大树上 赤色鸟儿在哼着调儿 我想 他是不是在找寻伴侣呢 不由自主 我也嘴里哼起歌儿 只是歌词反复无常 我想 是不是想说的话 数不胜数 却有口难言 “我是 什么 傻瓜… 什么 傻瓜 是我… 我是 傻瓜 是吗… 傻瓜 是我……” “一个 人在 开心 好久… 一个 人在 伤心 好久…” “啊… 你是 什么 傻瓜 什么 傻瓜 开心 好久 伤心 更加 地久…” 伴着雨滴声 傻瓜望着天 嘴里哼着词 呆了好久 然后 终于决定 吸气呼气 闭眼睁眼 才发现 原来 明天可以更加美好

I'm most probably feeling rather down today. My feelings are complicated and no one word could explain it. And I can't be sure of the etiology. I have been going to bed with a bad headache or dizziness. I have been waking up with tired eyes. I have been feeling too sleepy everyday after lunch. I have been dozing off in the class so much that I can't remember what exactly I have learnt. I have been too unaware of what I am doing. All in all, I am feeling tired most of the time. The 3rd week of surgery posting has just called for an end but I can't recall what I have done. This week time has passed too fast. And I don't like it when I am not aware of the time. I sat in the toilet for 10 minutes. Thunders were roaring and I could hear squeaking sounds of strong winds blowing. I closed my eyes for some time and I could only recall shattered pieces of memories for the past one week. What have I been doing? All that I could remember was that I started the

I liked it too much when Dr.V tapped on my shoulder. He was almost one foot taller than I. And he wanted to talk to me, though it was just for a while, so we walked a distance of a cubicle while he asked me about what I talked to one patient. He nodded. My heart blossomed. I wonder if he was impressed. He inspired me. When one patient told me that he appreciated this doctor a lot. He liked the way this doctor talked to him and the patient thought every doctor should talk to all patients in this manner. I want things like these to happen every single day. I want to feel inspired and I want to inspire one day. I want to feel good and I want to make everyone around me feel good for the things that I do. I want my patients to feel better. I want them to share with me their precious stories and I don't want them to regret for not talking to me. My heart blossomed every time when I thought of how Dr.V tapped on my shoulder and talked to me. I wonder if more doctors do that to u

Today was long and tiring. I thought I slept well the night before but I woke up with a headache. I thought I wouldn't survive till CSSC which lasted for almost 3 hours. But I did. Maybe it's all because of the lecturer who did a great job entertaining me. Or maybe it's because of you, who were sitting right next to me. I thought some little bursts of adrenaline helped a lot. I didn't turn to see you at all - not even once.  But I think we were sitting really close to each other. I didn't see your face. But I peeped and saw your thighs crossed over to each other. We had zero communication. But I was too certain and aware that you were there. That's why I survive well throughout the session. I forgot that I was having a headache as well. And then after class I waved good-bye to you. I think I hopped down the stairs when I would normally use the elevator. I had a great day. I appreciate little things that happen to me in my daily life. They don't have

Oh and by the way, I looked at your lips today. I think they were sexy. I was looking for pimples/scars from healed pimples on your face too. I couldn't find any. I wonder why you could have such good complexion. I used to think that I was in love whenever I saw you. But now you are the one who is constantly reminding me that I am single and very independent. I was able to focus well in my work now, even when you are just an inch away from me. Maybe I have taken it for granted or maybe I am aware enough the fact that you are just but my another ward mate and we might just be only-friends after all. I am not sad but maybe this has just proven that it is not time yet. Some people said that we will only be able to fall in love when we understand about ourselves better. I guess this might be right. Sometimes I don't know who I am. Maybe I should learn to be a more confident me. I'm still in search of myself. But then on the other hand, I still enjoying being aware of y

On call on a Tuesday night is a NO-NO good thing. I'm having severe dizziness and headache now. Possible etiology is that I have been dehydrated. And I think the weather was bad today. I was sweating a lot in the wards with a lack of fluid replenishment. If I were to be on-call for 5 days a week, I will get DVT sooner or later. Today I spent 2.5 hours observing an open appendicectomy. The operation was interesting since this was my first time observing the complete op. It was my first time to see a real appendix being removed too. It is smaller than I expected. Tomorrow is a long, long day. And the day after tomorrow is my first TBL. I have tonnes of work left unfinished now. By right I am not supposed to go to bed before I get my things done. But my head hurts too much now that I think if I don't excuse myself from work I might throw up soon. So, nights, pals!

I'm better than what I expected of myself today. I did a scrotal examination and palpated a fibroadenoma today. They were good experiences. ******************************************************************* I guess I'm happy too because I was able to focus well in class, knowing that you are there. Maybe I was right that you are changing your mind. Because you never really notice me anymore. I'm happy and sad at the same time. I guess we can be better friends now, right? When my heart does not race anymore when you are standing next to me. I need to save up my energy on more important things now so I can't afford to think of you all the time, I told myself. But that does not mean that I have totally lost hope on you. Because you'd still make me smile for the day when I see you. I'm happy because I am clearer of what might be more important to me now. I don't want to live and die alone in the next 50 years but always waiting and hoping and wai

Mum and Dad came over this weekend. I had so much of fun touring in and away of Seremban. I had so much of nice time spent with my loved ones exploring new places and trying out new foods. But then *Whoosh. 2 days of precious time that is so crucial is gone. I am so much behind schedule now. I've got myself some new notebooks that I can keep in my white coat. I've also fully-recovered from my illness now. I should focus hard and pay attention accomplishing my tasks now. FOCUS YOUR ENERGY

TGIF I wanted to post this as my status for the day too. But my Friday would be slightly different. I usually would decide to spend my Friday evening doing on-call in the wards. And I actually like it. Today is not a typical on-call day because I thought I did not do much. I did not get to talk to many patients today. But then again I remembered my mentor saying that doing ward work is not about clerking patients. In fact, there are so many other things that you can do in a ward. Like today, even though I did not really prefer it to have my ward work done this way, which is when I did not get to find interesting cases or talk to patients and engage a good rapport with them, I only got to talk to one new patient. However, I got to observe how a patient who needed bladder irrigation was managed. I spent almost an hour sitting with the patient at the bed. I did not talk much. I tried to listen. He told me so many things that I did not know - be them about politics, life and his grandd

今天，你站在那里，一动不动。然后我越过你身旁。 在那刹那，你有看见我吗？ 你又站在那里，我再次与你擦身而过。我又想，不知道你有察觉我吗？ 好几次，我总希望那短暂的一刻可以暂时停顿，让我感受你的存在，也奢望着你会再对我回眸一笑。 你的笑容如此美丽，就像我心中含苞待放的花朵。我的心情可以顿时变得明朗。我的一天也变得充满希望。 可是放学的时候，你跟朋友站在楼梯前，我却什么也没做，只是悄悄越过你身旁。 我好想转身向你说声再见。可是我想我没凑足勇气。我太鸵鸟了。 明天，我好想主动跟你说再见。可以吗？

I knew my wishes came true when you came to talk to me today. Even though it was just for a couple of minutes. It made my day and I kept a smile on my face throughout the day. You were so shy. Sometimes when you walked pass me you turned your head away from me. So that you wouldn't see me seeing you. It was cold in the room. Your nails were almost purplish. I checked mine, but they were fine. I was hoping that you were not anemic like me. Our leader called us for a meeting today. She was electing some of us to do a presentation. Were you too shy? Or maybe you're not used to talking in front of the crowds. But I have always imagined myself feeling proud of the person that I like while he or she is presenting herself in public. Before going home, all of us were sitting at the cafe waiting for a doctor who was supposed to turn up at 4. There was a place just next to me. But you didn't sit there. I couldn't figure out why. Maybe I might change my mind. But maybe y

Summary of the day I tried to look out for you and and you were already there. Can't remember what shirt you were wearing anymore. Once in a while when I was talking to the patients I'd try to see where you were until at one point I thought you walked out of the ward already. I was feeling tired maybe because of my Dengue-like effect so I went out to take a break with my bottle of water. I saw you sitting on the bench with your boy friends. I didn't really bother seeing what you were doing but I knew you were there. I started talking to the phone when dad and mum called to ask for my condition. You and your friends stood and went off. I was still on the line with Dad and when you walked pass me and down the stairs, you turned and look at me. I saw you too. Then you disappeared into the crowds. In the afternoon I did not know since when you went in to CR2 for our 2nd CSS class. But you were sitting so far behind from me that I couldn't see you at all. I wonde

I feel like crying so much now. Because I just realized I could have contracted Dengue fever. And Mum is so far away from me now. I'm even more worried because I am a medical student because I could get assess to any information that I want and all the typical symptoms tallied with what I had on last Wednesday and Thursday when I had fever, except that I did not vomit. I thought those red spots appearing over my lower legs are mosquito bites. But they haven't disappeared even after 3 days and I haven't had so much of them before. I find some red rashes on my left cheek as well. I wonder what is going wrong in me. And I'm having menses again after a fortnight. I thought that could be because of my fever last Wednesday which made my hormones went out of way. But when I try to relate it with rashes over my cheek and my legs, I realized it could be due to my low platelet count. I could be bleeding because of that. But my fever has subsided on Thursday. I was too dro

I am glad I have Dato Kanda as my posting mentor although I have been hearing so much from my seniors that he is a very strict doctor with high expectations from students. Yesterday I had the first CPD session with him and he gave an inspiring overview of how and what we should be doing in a ward. First he asked us what do we do in the morning when we are in the wards. None of us gave the answer he wanted. But then he said doctors aren't supposed to clerk patients in a way that they feel that they are interrogated. Taking a good history from a patient is merely listening to patients. When they have trust in you, they will be more than happy to spend time telling stories. And then our job is to think about their stories which could be related to their problems and then you will realize that their stories make sense. I used to ask one of my wardmates how she always spent so much time talking to only one patient. I thought she was wasting time. But now I realized she has been do

I thought I did not oversleep today. But I woke up with swollen eyes and felt like I had proptosis. I was so lightheaded and drowsy. Then I did laundry, made myself 2 half-boiled eggs and then cut the papaya which was becoming dry in the fridge and had a quarter of it. I refilled my water bottles and drank a bit of it. My throat aches a lot. And then now I'm sitting in front of my delly, recalling of what I did in the morning. I was wondering in disbelief whether the first week of surgical posting has really ended. I checked my phone and it shows that today is Saturday. So next Monday would be the 2nd week of posting. There was a slight pinch in my stomach and my spines feel tired. I was worried whether I am getting gastritis which could have progressed to a peptic ulcer and then a perforated one because then I would feel pain radiating to the back of my body. I didn't eat very well for the past one week since I was still adapting myself to the new schedule. I have to keep 2 pa

Hi dear, how are you today? I was on-call this evening and I enjoyed hard. I thought if you were to be here within my vicinity, I might be able to stay up fresh for a longer period and be all excited throughout the night. But you weren't there at all. I wonder if you have gone home to spend time with your family over the weekend. I didn't see you a lot too today. And I realized I could not ignore my fondencies. I just realized today how much I missed seeing you around. I like seeing you smile. It gives me strength and it makes me happy whenever I am not in the mood. In fact, knowing your presence would make my day. **************************************************************** When I close my eyes and I see you, I will smile for a very long time. Sometimes I wonder if you look at me too. And if you would smile when you think of me.  Sometimes when I tried to check out where you were in the wards, I thought you were looking for me too, somewhat.  But so

I fell sick today. I think I couldn't even walk to the bathroom properly because when I woke up my room was in chaos. But I guess I had a nice dream although my headache was almost killing me. ************************************************************************** When I thought we couldn't be friends, and then I just lost some hope on you, you lit up hope to me again. Because you said Goodbye to me today, for the very first time. In the wards today I was talking to you sometimes, and I realized I did not have butterflies in my guts anymore. I guess I have learned to overcome the ridiculous anxiety that would arise seeing you. In the afternoon in the conference room I started to feel weak and sick. I thought you would never be noticing me anymore so I did what I should, trying to show as little awareness of your presence as possible. But I realized we would always leave a session almost together. But then I would always be after you. And when I thought you could ha

I think I have just failed too badly. I think my pleasures are going to be over too soon. I think I have been dreaming too well. I think I'm just going back to my ownself. **************************************************************** I was smiling at you, saying Hello to you by heart. And then I was sitting behind you, thinking of how wonderful this day would be. I was then sitting next to you. I tried to talk to you. I tapped on your shoulder, now couldn't really recall what I told you. I thought I was too aware of your presence. I talked to you for a while and then you did too.  But my heart remained calm until when I stopped talking and got back my senses, I started having butterflies in my stomach. I was happy thinking of you even though I had indigestion almost everyday. I thought things would go on and proceed further. But today I think I had been wrong. I was too obsessed over my feelings, so overwhelmed that I could not see reali

我不晓得 在这个格外寂静的夜里 窗外吹着习习凉风 我的心却格外冰冷 我不晓得 眼睛疲累的无法睁开 却无法好好入眠 我的脑海 装满了无法释怀的东西 我不晓得 这样的日子 怎么令人显得格外寂寞 那无法释怀的东西 让生命绽放 却也让人折磨 我的心纠结着 扑通扑通 一动不动 亲爱的 你还迷了路吗？

I was spotting for you since early this morning. But you weren't there yet. I guess I was slightly early to school today. And then there you came. I did not look at you at all but weird enough I knew you were there already and at some point, you were looking at my direction. I wasn't and won't be sure about this though, I always trust my sixth sense because it usually does not fail. I was hoping so badly that you were in fact looking at me.             ****************************************************************** I don't know since when but you were already standing right next to me when our leader called us to gather. I have never known how good I am at pretending to be calm and cool. I did not acknowledge to anyone, not even myself, that you were standing there by my side, so near, yet too far at the same time. I wonder if you came closer to me on purpose. But I thought maybe just by chance you were standing there next to where I was. I tried so hard not

I am dead tired now I guess. Because my eyelids are heavier than usual, with dark circles more obvious too. Today was not a failure, I'd say. Although I was almost lost for the first 20 minutes in the ward, I finally figured out something specific to do, which was to clerk a patient's...yupe, not the patient himself exactly, but his wife, since the patient was not in a good shape to answer my many questions. I guess I enjoyed being in the ward as it's much more interesting than sitting in the lecture hall listening to the rather dull plenaries. I like to see what other people do in the ward. Nurses, matrons, medical assistants, house officers, medical officers, even other medical students too are doing their own jobs in the wards. I'll need to learn to be more independent in the ward, to be more proactive in learning. I should ask more questions, whenever there is a chance. I shall not allow myself to stand and not do anything for more than 10 minutes in the wards.

When I think of going to school tomorrow morning, I feel butterflies in my stomach. Because I can't wait to go to school, though there are so many uncertainties and that I have not spent sufficient time on my revision, I might not be able to do anything efficiently. I am anxious and excited at the same time. But I will see you.  I wonder if you would, too. I wonder if you would say Hi to me. I wonder if you would really see me, or you would pretend that you don't. I might just walk pass you again, without looking at you, without saying a word to you. I might smile at you for a just a while, if I have not come back to my senses yet. So I wonder if you would just say Hi to me, and you would just make my day. I wonder if you would know. 

2 days in a row, I slept like I would not want to wake up the next morning and woke up like a dead pig. I came back to my senses and realized that I was asleep, and then was now awake. I closed my eyes, hoping that I was dreaming and that I was still sleeping. I couldn't move my arms and legs and my eyes were heavy as if 2 sandbags were hung below them. I tried to slowly open my eyes again, this time, have accepted the fact that it was already the next morning. Birds were chirping and sunlight were showering over my blanket. And I was wrapped in my lovely comforter like a cocoon. I wondered if this would be the one and only weekend left for me to enjoy this morning moments in bed, when I could abandon the sounds from my radio alarm and leave my phone alarm ringing till it stopped on its own, not realizing that there were tonnes of work ahead of me. After a couple of minutes, I got to convince myself to wake up. I took a deep breath and accepted that today will soon be over and

I couldn't wait to reach home today. Because I was so overwhelmed by all kinds of emotions, so congested that I couldn't even figure out which was from which. So I'll just have to sit and write them down before I forget them. That's because I treasure each of my feelings greatly.              *******               *******               *******               *******           I woke up before my alarm clock did today. And before I opened my eyes, I saw you. I thought I was hallucinating. But I was certain that was you. And I woke up with a smiley face because my day will be happy and hopeful. Today you wore a dark-colored stripy shirt, which made you even more fairer. But I didn't really see you. Although I knew you were there. I thought being too aware of a person's presence would make me a psycho, and I probably wouldn't be able to focus in class anymore if I did that. But I guess today would be the last day that we would sit in the same hall because

Today wasn't long. But I felt so exhausted, like I am getting myself used to feeling tired most of the time from next week on wards. Maybe it's something else? I had trouble falling asleep yesterday and I woke up even before the alarm clock did. And perhaps my physical body is exhausted by the overwhelming adrenaline bursts that's most of the time filling into the bloodstream.  I'm anxious about hospital life. But I feel great now that I'm at the second phase, one step nearer to my dream/ambition. I'll soon be in stuck to a routine of daily activities which require much discipline. I'm looking forward to it, even though I know nothing will be easy. 

I came home a happy kid, recalling of the tiny moments that happened today. I used to wonder how people pay attention to their emotions and from there they divert them into words and become writers. Today I finally understood. That especially women, who are also known as wonders of emotions, tend to magnify little feelings that occur, be them happy or sad times, and then turn them into stories. Maybe it has happened to me. But I hope that my feelings are not being magnified too much. Or else, I would have been hallucinating a lot.          ********************************************************************** I liked the way guys in my batch dress up today. Well pressed long-sleeves with a matching neck tie and slacks. I realized young men who dress up in plain white or black shirt look attractive. And there were 3 of them who were in all white today. They look really nice. I don't know. Maybe I like to see how men dress up. And I like it a lot when they are in plain-coloured

Before I refresh my mind and forget the too many overlapping recurring emotions, I think I'd better write 'em down. I drove to school today, slightly anxious, wondering how the white coat ceremony will be held. I've never come across this term before hearing it from one of my friends who is also doing medicine in another university. Briefly, it is a formal ceremony that involves "cloaking" of students in white coats done usually by people with a higher rank. In my school, it is done by the dean of MBBS and the president of the state MMA to the batch representative whereas the rest of us have our newly graduated Sem 10 seniors who are now doctors to do it for us. This event marks the student's transition from the pre-clinical to clinical phase. It also addresses the issue of medical ethics and praise rising students for their success in completing the basic sciences of medicine. In my school, this event is very much valued and the entire event was very form

I don't know why when I start to think about you, you keep on appearing in my mind.

I looked through the angle of my eye, without my head turning or my eyes turning. You were there, so near, yet so far away. I know too well the only thing I can do is to wait. And wait. And wait, It might be the last thing ever that happens. But I am not sad, nor disappointed. Because I did not put in a lot of hope. And then there is barely any expectation. I was just observing. Looking. And imagining things, perhaps. But you are there. Right there. And the next thing happened, my eyes matched with yours. But I quickly turned away, trying my best to pretend that I was just glancing all over the place. I wonder if you were just glancing too. I wonder if you saw me. I wonder if you noticed me, my presence, at all. But it doesn't matter. Because I could do no thing. But to wait, for you to come. It is okay, I told myself. Afterall, I was just being aware of myself, but perhaps in the eyes of others. In the eyes of you.

I put down my phone. Homesickness strikes. My eyes turn red and tears start to flow down on my cheeks. This is perhaps the first occasion ever since I moved here? It's just been the third night but I already feel like it's been half a life time. Maybe I'm slightly anxious about life in the hospital for the coming years. Maybe I know too well that I have to quickly regain my confidence level before it's too late. There are many things that I will accomplish soon, which is one thing for sure, that is making me feeling better. What the hell is CFCS? And what is a long case? and Exit Viva? A research project that needs to get approval in Bukit Jalil campus by beginning of April? I have no idea how these things got to be done. I need to pay lots of attention to my portfolio as well. A senior's portfolio that I saw was almost 6 inches thick, but mine at the moment less than a centimetre thick. I did nothing much today but spent most of the time sitting at the ta

亲爱的，你的奋斗生涯，好像即将开始了。 （对于某些人而言，他们的人生也许早就开始了。尽管我的起跑点可能比别人迟，可是从我确实决定让自己好好体验每一刻，并且尝试制造最美的回忆开始，我便已答应自己要让生命肆无忌惮地发光发彩。） 今天听了一整天的briefing，我只记得一位医生说过的一句话：记得要在早餐的时候填饱肚子，因为你不知道下一个正餐会是什么时候。 尽管我早已有了为此的心理准备，可是万万也没想到这样的事情这么快便降临在我身上了。 要百战不殆，就必须从长计议。 为了不要虚度接下来的2年半，首先，我要做出详细的计划书。 过去2年半里所犯的错误可能没有为生命带来不堪的后果，可是如果我打从开始便对症下药解决问题，或许今天的生命会更五彩缤纷。所以为了让以后的生活没有悔意，我必须锁定目标，做好自己。 我要掌握好马来文。以后的很多时间会在医院里度过，我会从起点便做好一个医学生该做的。我必须鼓起勇气，发动内心的奋斗力，勇于踏出第一步，不怕犯错，只怕没有尝试便放弃。学习的机会不多，所以任何时刻我都要准备接受任何的挑战，在能够犯错的时候，尽可能从错误中吸取经验。然后再重新出发，再犯错，再改过。一直不断学习才是我陈女的风格。 今日事今日毕 尽管很累，也必须努力，坚持，奋斗。 不经历风风雨雨，怎能见彩虹。 此外，我还有一项任务。 周末的时间如何打发？ 我的朋友们都会在周末里回家。可我，必须在周末里享尽人生。 我暂时没有对象，所以没什么能够消遣的事情。或许没有情侣间常见的小惊喜，可是为了生命的光芒，我必须制造惊喜。 所以，我需要寻找可以做伴的一起玩乐的朋友。 现在，还在努力寻觅当中。。。。。。 (我的伴侣，还迷路吗？你怎么看不见我，我也怎么还看不见你呢？）

阿联；三款发动机是劳动法；是否了解的咯；萨拉艰苦奋斗；阿历克斯的减肥了；开始就打发阿联；地方看见啦；啦；啊就是离开；的；拉山口大家发士大夫艰苦了； 此刻的心情，如同上述。 今天是第一个在S2家里独处的炎热无比的下午，我如同在烘炉中正在发酵的面包。 我的肚子犹如泰坦尼克号在沉船前所经历的波涛汹涌。也不知从何而起，我的小肚子开始一个月一次为提醒我是具有生育力的女人而阴阴作痛。 我手里拿了ipad，手机和sj watson的小说，走到底楼去。我躺在原本还显得少许冰凉的沙发上，想让紧绷的肚肚稍微放松。可是不到2分钟，整个沙发成了烧烤盘。我弹起身来，又走到房间，躺在铺了四方砖块的地板上。风扇摆在面前不到3，4寸，可是从风扇出来的风让我变成烘干机里的衣物。我动弹不得，却又必须翻来覆去。 亲爱的，你的s2生活，要这样持续到猴年吗？