The Pacinian corpuscle

I need to take care of health.no more cravings for sweet stuffs and unhealthy foods. 5% of diabetic patients in Malaysia is made up of young adults aged 20 to 25. I don't want to contribute to the number.I'm sure I have better things to do. After exam on 4th of january, I'm going to work out and regain self confidence.

亲爱的，今天是不是夜晚熬夜呢。

This is the least amount of work I have to tackle in the coming two weeks. I have to equip myself with full confidence, perseverance and faith so that I can triumph over the challenges that would prove me a better, more competent and capable person. Yes.the official time to begin the battle starts. All the best. Take a deep breathe and always remind yourself : do what you really want to expect the best desired outcome. With much love,ym.

I'm highly irritable now.I'm angry, disappointed and suffocated with most of the things around me including myself. I am aware of my feelings.and I see the changes that im experiencing.but I never ask why because I know it might be part of the symptoms. I hate the people living across my unit.and the people who never stop the drilling works.i could not stand the noise which was once so hardly noticeable to be angry at.i hate the kids who scream and wail like the world is going to end soonand they would never see their mothers anymore.my housemate irritates me by burning part of the handle if a cooking utensil.ashes were flying all over the place. I could not focus on my work.i feel useless.i could not decide what I wanted to do, until I calmed myself down and I did not manage to do a thing because it was all too late. Tomorrow is unknown.and I feel so insecure.what is so worrying now? I hope I get over it soon.i hope I can enjoy my work again.

Is it another failure?is it another proof or reassurance that that's the reason I can't move on well with life? I walked pass dr.y at de brio after I've got myself food.he was siting there alone but I decided to walk pass him and sat at a table behind his.i had a flick of thought that I should approach him and talk to him.he is a nice lecturer and I am sure i have lots of things to learn from him.but why did I let go the chance? Like I wouldn't appreciate it at all? The next minute I imagined myself as a miniaturized puppet isolated by myself from the crowd.i don't know what and why.i always ask myself what I wish to do and how I want it to be when I can't make a decision.so I asked myself, but I couldn't find an answer.why didn't I go for it? What was the thing that I was so concern about? What stopped me from approaching a friendly and knowledgeable lecturer? have I been such a coward all this while? I imagined myself attending counselling classes b

这个周末比较特别，因为我决定好好对待自己的味蕾。虽然卡路里很高，但是我依然毫无顾忌地给自己点了想品尝的咖啡和香蕉蛋糕。 一个人坐在那里，一口一口咀嚼咖啡里加入的可可片，我看着窗外喝咖啡的人们。有的人在抽烟，有的跟友人在谈笑风生。咖啡上的泡沫夹着浓厚的鲜奶味儿，渗入味蕾的片刻，幸福指数毅然翻倍。 温书假很快就要开始了。这杯浓郁的咖啡芬香带给我即便只是片刻的兴奋，我也将带着这样的心情，迎接更多即将来临的挑战。 看着隔着玻璃窗外吸烟的女人，我想 她的更年期是不是会提早到来啊？吸烟的爸爸，在孩子面前就不能控制烟瘾吗？ 这个星期日，见证了要发疯地啃书的起跑点！加油！

雨后的夜晚，我在感受生命的体验。 昨日无法入眠的时光，令人懊恼，烦躁，深感无奈。 明日的早晨我将付诸于行动，让单调的周末增添生命的色彩。 美丽的夜晚，我即使看不见月亮温和的光晕，却也可以感受到生命的真实。 接下来的日子，要好好加把劲了:D The Pacinian corpuscle http://paciniancorpuscle.blogspot.com/

原来上一次记下心情日记已经是13天前了，时间又悄悄溜走了。然而，在过去的2个星期，我的生活还算经营地不错。回忆之前写下的心情，还有一丝感慨呢。 可是这3天来，好多事情好像并不是自己想象般如意。我又开始觉得疲累了。是生理因素，还是病理呢？我已经服用Iberet Folic一个月了。这完全不会是一个负担，但是我还是希望这些supplement可以让我一整天在读书也不会觉得疲惫。我很享受读书，学新的知识。但愿我有无穷的精力这么做。 昨天是第二堂瑜伽课了。带上瑜伽毯，小毛巾还有轻松的心情。爱上瑜伽，让我也爱上星期二了。我觉得自己的生活更有趣味了。我觉得自己像个大人了。像个女人了。也许这一切跟学瑜伽没有多大关系，但是我觉得大学的生活就应该由自己策划，然后实践的。我喜欢瑜伽，因为瑜伽里的每一个动作让人充满力量，感觉上生活也应该如此充满干劲。我也喜欢瑜伽老师播放的音乐。第一次听感觉有点熟悉，后来才知道原来是enigma的音乐。难怪那么喜欢。此外，我也喜欢教瑜伽的老师。他是位年轻的男老师。不知为什么，我会时常好奇他是怎么会成为瑜伽老师。他喜欢瑜伽吗？还是那只是为了工作？他平时在家也会练习瑜伽吗？反正，遇见这样跟我的人生格格不入的人，好奇心会油然而生。 上个周末，爸爸妈妈还有弟弟跟我一起回到vista。我很开心。是单纯的开心，还有真心的感激。弟弟长大了。每每有这样可以跟家人在一起的时光，我总是打从心底感到幸福。有时候，我感觉自己是最幸福的女儿，最幸福的姐姐。因为这样，我觉得我应该更用心地经营自己的人生。这样才可以有信心地成为幸福的人。 我书桌前的布告板上贴满了小字条。有些是要学的笔记。有些是心情记录。看着这些字条，感觉就像是昨天才贴上去的。其实已经好几个星期了。可是我的感情依旧。 “没有爱情也可以感受爱，是最幸福的事情 <3” “每天要确保的事情 1. 今天过得充实 2. 今天没有贪吃 3. 今天很开心” “俗语说：“Fighting !!” " 我好像一字不漏地把心情都记下来。不是为了给人看，也不是想跟人分享什么的。只是觉得，这些心情总会让人产生强烈的求生欲。因为它们都充满力量，充满生命，充满理由要活得更好。 生活是什么呢？我总是这样设问。生活呢。是你在非常清楚时间正在流去的时刻里，在实践某些事情，然后一点一滴像建筑一样铸造生命的

上大学让人最不安的，就是你没有一个让你跟从的指示，也没有人在旁督促。你不知道自己走了多远，也不知道族群离你多远了。有时候，我总觉得自己在盲目地做只是自己觉得正确的事情。 重点是，你准确地知道自己需要做的事情是哪些，你也非常清楚你只有不多的时间来完成它。但是，太多的课业让人还没开始实行就感到恐惧了。然而，你并没有因此而松懈，更不可能说要放弃。于是你用心地计划好每一步该怎么走。可是，刚迈开第一步，你已经发现你太高估自己了。本来打算1天就做好的事情，其实3天才能完成。 这一年多来，离开家人的日子我已渐渐适应。我适应了安静的家，习惯了每一天坐在电脑前享受独处的时光。因为独处的时间太多了，我有时忘了跟朋友在一起的幸福感。我觉得，自己一个人也可以很开心，虽然很多时候有些事情你不想自己开始，自己结束，但是因为没有办法，最后你还是决定自己享受过程。 我希望生活有更多惊喜。以前的自己太满于现状，觉得太多的惊喜让人不安。然而现在过于平静的生活让生活乏味。我要更充实自己，即便书桌前还有一大叠的课业还没处理。这一年来，我已经习惯了做自己想做的事情，习惯了自己决定很多事情。虽然偶尔会想念跟家人为一件小事商量一整天的情景，可是长大了，就得有长大的模样。 远方还有多么遥远呢？我看不见终点，也看不见那一线曙光。我只是按着自己的步伐，一步一步向前迈进。我还是族群的一分子吗？还是，情况已经变成一个人奋斗的结果了？大伙儿已经遥遥领先了吗？在走到终点站之前，好希望会有一个知音人引领我，让我的路走得更有自信。 生活是什么呢。一天没有看报纸会让人缺乏信心，但是读完一份报纸却也不见得你是自信的人，也许让你讲述近期发生的大事，你也记不起来。看报纸也许只是一个被大家认可的习惯，它的意义在哪里，还是任由各人定夺。 生活能发生更多令人振奋的事情吗？我需要更多惊喜。因为我已渐渐忘记那种突如其来的欢乐是多么振奋人心的。

I went ice-skating today. What a surprise meeting with Celina and Jason Tan, who came all the way from Seremban. I fell down for a total of three times. And I think I hurt my right ankle. I hope it doesn't swell. Of so many events, ice-skating is one that I have never really imagined doing. At the moment I stepped into the skating floor, I could not feel my feet anymore. 'How am I going to move when I can't even stand properly?' It was such a big challenge for me. I could feel nothing but the weight of my legs. But when I slowly tried to move forward using my right leg, and left leg as the base for support, it moved too easily, which is the main cause of me falling down. To be able to balance well is the main issue. After almost an hour, I could move better without holding on the side wall. I fell down and got my pants wet. It was fun overall. I stood in the middle of the floor, and as I looked at the people skating freely as they wished, I wondered when I could do

这个星期六的下午，窗外打着雷，闪着电。凉风习习，给寂寞的心灵增添不少安抚。家里的人都不知往哪儿跑了。一个人在家，把房门开的大大的，让站在地上的风扇往床上吹。一不留神，几乎整个下午都奉献给午休了。 回忆刚才吃进肚子楼下阿姨卖的杂饭，不知何故，每每我总不能大开胃口把饭吃完。可能是太饿了，亦可能是菜凉了。但是脑里总闪过这样的一个念头：妈妈的菜怎么比阿姨的好吃那么多阿。可是如果妈妈是卖饭的阿姨，那楼下阿姨是不是得失业了？然后就会突然很想念在家吃的午餐，即使是再简单不过的饭菜。 这个星期很特别。即使有一个礼拜假期，我也没有回家。因为家里的爸爸妈妈还有弟弟都去玩了。有时候我会无聊地想象，如果我也跟着去了，就算翘课又怎么样？虽然这是不可能被自己接受的，但是在想象这些的片刻，我的心毅然会感觉有被融化的瞬间。 我要好好把握人生。不知道自己有多少机会可以奉献给世人。只是想到这些的时候，我总想起妈妈告诉我的一句话。她总说我太有福气了，所以要多行善，这样福气才不会散尽。我不知道这个道理是否真的存在。但是行善是好的事情，所以应该多做。 现在可以全心拼搏了。烦人的MUET也过了，没有理由再分散注意力了。 在这个格外冷清的下午，我的心异常的平静。没有太多的感触，也没有太多的思想感情。 我只想好好地做好每一件事，然后一步一步向梦想迈进。 我的梦想是什么呢？我要成为好的医生。被认可的医生。 10年后的自己在做什么呢？我毫无把握。但是希望在这个走向成功大道的过程中，我可以领悟更多生命的真谛。 大家要加油！Fighting ^^

在一个失眠的夜晚，我毅然从那本该舒适的鸟窝爬起。翻开日记本子，我记下了心中的起伏。 在这个寂静的夜里，独处的时刻，心中的声音不断在耳边徘徊着。寒风吹拂，雨后潮湿的空气，渗透着一丝甘露味儿。我的心情本该更明朗些。 然而，我怎么又起来了。2点钟的早晨，我不是该已在甜美的睡梦中铸造城堡？我怎么起床了呢？心跳变得更明显了。万籁俱寂，隔壁房的是有怎么没开启空调呢？对正窗口的对面单位怎么还没熄灯，难道他们也无法入眠吗？明日的早晨，我还在睡梦中，不愿起来迎接之吗？ 我喜欢早晨，总不想错过充满希望的早晨。可是往往起床的时刻，太阳已高挂天空了。 明天乖乖起床，听闹钟的话。好吗？ 我爱你噢。 2012.11.4 2.10am （笑脸） 后记：今天这一般的早晨，我原来还在梦里。醒来的片刻，发现闹钟一疲惫的不再作响。无奈的手机，也不再把我叫醒。我一脸失望，却有少许甜美，因为9个小时的睡眠令人满足不已。

It's rainy season. I enjoy the refreshing breeze and the dampness in the wind that would slip through my every single piece of hair when I walk pass the corridor before reaching the doorstep of my unit. It's Friday night. I bet everyone loves Friday nights. But I do not exactly. Because it means the next days might be a boring weekend, with routine stuffs, especially when you have a mountainous pile of notes to catch up. I have been sitting at the study table, almost the entire day. I would not want to go out because I have no groceries to get yet. And I have no meetings with any of my friends. I enjoy the moments when I'm figuring out doubts on my studies. I actually do enjoy it. But when the same action has been repeating for hours and days, your feeling of existence and fades, at times to the extent that you doubt you've really survived through the past months. And then, uncontrollably and instinctively, you will get up from the chair and walk around in the uni

明天又是新的module了。之前留下的烂摊子多的不知从何开始整理，但是我的心已经准备好。决心和毅力会非常强大地让自己坚持不懈，然后奋力向上。新的module，新的生命，新的心态，以及更成熟能耐的心灵与肉体--结合后会发出莫大的光芒，照耀前途，让自己一并把困难克服，并且达到最高的成就。 新的日子要开始了。其实现在已经开始了。 知道一切结束之前，我必须小心翼翼地踏出任何一步，做出任何一个举动。 要对自己严格，并且无时无刻警惕自己，确保自己正在做该做的，以及计划中的一切。 要发奋图强，聪敏地，把所有困难克服吧。 这个世界，在观察你的一举一动。因为你有无穷地爱，将成为驱使你向前奋斗的力量。 加加加油！

After several attempts on the 3-day diet, which has been claimed to be so effective to most people but has zero effect on me, I have decided to try the 1-day diet. Diet menu Breakfast 1 Egg, hard/soft 1/2 grapefruit 1 cup black coffee( no sugar, cream except for artificial sweetener) Mid-morning snack 2 Ritz biscuit, each with 1/4 slice of American cheese 1 cup black coffee( no sugar, cream except for artificial sweetener) Lunch 1 can of Tuna 3 half stalks of celery ( no salt) 1 cup black coffee( no sugar, cream except for artificial sweetener) Dinner 3 oz of skinless chicken/fish 6 broccoli/cauliflower florettes 1 cup black coffee( no sugar, cream except for artificial sweetener) And that's all. What's diffferent from the previous 3-day diet that I tried is that the menu is really very simple. So it is rather easy for me to do shopping.  By the way, seasoning like mustard, ketchup, vinegar are allowed but I am not adding in any of these

I had a 2-day rotation at the hospital in Kuala Kubu Baru last week. It is compulsory for students in Semester 3 after the GI module. I would say that on general, I had great learning experience in talking to real patients there. I had a lot of fun that I would not experience in Bukit Jalil campus. Everywhere and everything in KKB was so original, basic and simple. There is no 3G access, no cabs around, no air-conditioned rooms, no shopping malls but you get to breathe in really fresh and clean air, listen to the orchestra by toads, birds and crickets. You sweat a lot, especially putting on the white coat and walking under the sun when you have to walk around in the hospital. But you are more assure now that that is what you will experience in a few years time. That is where you are going to work and serve the people. Believe it or not. It is so much difference to university life and city life. It is just so different and you have to accept it and adapt to it very quickly. I was as

What's happening on me? I feel like crying all the time. I don't know what is in my mind. I can't remember when was the last time I studied really hard. I can't remember when was the last time I sat for an exam. I don't know what I was doing since July. And it is October already. And before I realise again, it would be the beginning of November. What is wrong with me? Why am I so unaware of the things that are happening? What is in my mind? Why do I feel like I am in a mess all the time? Am I really that poorly organised? What are my plans and where are they? Where is my enthusiasm and where is my confidence? Where is my strength and faith? Now that I need to sit down and recall whatever that has happened for the past few months, I feel so reluctantly miserable, so cruelly indescribable. Where is my soul? Now that I have to glance through the time table again, I am trying so hard to recall when exactly I started the GI module, when I started becoming so

亲爱的，是时候努力起来了。 话不多说，也不罗嗦了。 应该做的，要去实践了。 不要赖床，也不要懒散了。 人生如果没有用心度过每分每秒，会更疲倦，更郁闷。 人生还有很多更值得去做的事情，在那之前，你要奋斗，这样，才更有理由让明天更美好。 要加油起来了。让信心全部回来，让精力还原。 你行的。 加油。

偶尔读书读得累了，回过神来，却忘了要当医生最初的目的。 是为了钱吗？还是名誉地位？ 人生苦短，难道说，我剩下的人生就因为要实践梦想，为了助人而让自己做牛做马？ 当然，我从没一刻想这样形容我以后的职业。但是觉得人生没趣的时候，这些念头会频频出现。 我讨厌虚荣心太强的人。那些人，总让人觉得他没自信心。为了包装自己，用名牌遮掩自己虚弱的自信。 可是这些名贵的东西，究竟属于哪一类人呢？是有能力的，还是虚荣心强的人？还是注重外在美的人？ 然而，这些昂贵的奢侈品，有时却可以体现一个人的地位。这个，在现实的世界里，能有多真实呢？ 我从来没有向往拥有名牌包包的欲望。但是我想，我不喜欢自己的人生，因为钱财的限制，太多的选择都不属于自己的。 以后的生活，肯定要比现在的好得多。我向往随心所欲，潇洒的生活态度。因此要配备条件，才可以活出自己要的生活。 我的生活，要更有能力。更有味道。 名牌的奢侈品，不以为意却成了我向前奋斗的推动力。

Theme: Transitions 2012 Doctors-in-Training Chnaging the Global Health Landscape of Asia-Pacific Date: 13th Sept 2012-16th Sept 2012 Venue: Penang, Malaysia Following a few seniors, Celina and I took the train to Pudu Sentral and boarded the bus to Penang. We were so late on the first day itself because the bus took 7 hours to reach instead of the usual 3 hours so we missed the orientation, welcoming lunch and a standing committee session. The first event was the Gala Dinner, where the official opening ceremony happened. Everyone dressed up very well. But the most exciting thing was the very first new friends we met there. There were a few Japanese ladies and also some Malaysians from Aimst and I thought meeting them was awesome. Although some Japanese could not speak English very fluently but to be able to share information and exchange knowledge on their medical education and their culture was totally awesome. After we've done with eating after the long day, people sta

那些讨人厌的症状，又出来了。 我是不是生病了？为什么总是不争气。 已经是第4个星期了，我对GI还是一无所知。我比任何人都清楚，我应该在埋头苦干。以后的世界会很困难。少壮不努力，老大徒伤悲。怎么办。最糟糕的是，力不从心。心里一直想好好的读书，拿出读物后，却困的厉害。从吃好晚饭过后就一直如此。这些不是曾经发生在身上吗？去年的这个时候，我也是这样迷迷糊糊地度过，结果浪费了很多时间，然后后悔莫及。现在难道又要重蹈覆辙了？ 问题究竟出自哪里？我怎么会那么疲倦？ 我的心在哪里啊？ 我讨厌什么都不懂的感觉，所以我一定很想快点把该读的读好。可是真的很糟糕，想做的一直没能做好。我怎么啦？ 时间一直在走，我却站在那里一动不动。究竟怎么啦？ 快点康复吧。你的心是不是受伤了？不管是什么问题，都要赶快醒过来，振作一点！要成为成功的良医，就必须先成为好的医学系学生。没有条件，怎么跟世人竞争？以后的生活怎么有把握？ 我要成为医生阿。可是现在的心态，连乞丐也不如。我在干什么呢。快醒过来。 加油。 提醒你一下，你已经20岁了。再不是小孩子，再不是青少年。你是成人了。 要懂得争气，拜托。

“结束了2个星期的怠慢，又回到了一个人奋斗的战场。却发现留下的残局太多。我需要很大的勇气从瓦砾中找回剩下的自信。” -- 这成了我离开家人，回到筑梦之地后第一个上载面子书的状态。 阿。现在的心情。是复杂的。无序的。 每每离开家人回到这里，我总会被这样的心情任意蹂躏。 痛苦的。 饿了。累了。寂静了。心里是空空的。郁闷的。繁杂的。 明天开课了，太多的事情还没处理好。计划中的事情也没有做好。这样的事情在我人生中出现无数次了。现在，不能再让它发生了。深呼吸，然后把要做的事情一个一个记下，然后一个一个实行。新的生活要开始了。我的心，骤然紧张起来，疲倦起来。 我还是离不开陈旧的作息吗？我要成为良医。 在刁医师那里待了几天，我该有更多的理由变得更加勤奋。阿。要做的事情实在太多。 他说，不管是黑猫还是白猫，只要是捉到老鼠的就是好猫。 人生还有太多要做的事情，要学的事情。可是时间像闪电一样。我要更快一些了。 报纸必须多读。 还必须多思考有意义的事情。 要多做有意义的事情。 无聊的事情先搁置一旁。 因为我是有意义的人。生存的意义要实践，不然是白费心机，浪费资源。 要成为良医。要成为自己。要活得更干脆。更有决心。 想做的事情很多，所以要勇敢踏出第一步。 想交新朋友，就要自己先踏出第一步。做自己想做的事情。 你想你可以做得到。你就可以做得到。 因为你是强者。 你就是强者。 亲爱的 要勇敢地活出自己。 20岁的自己。要痛快一点。

One week has passed since the new system of GI began. I promised to work harder but things somehow did not work out the way I wished. But I did make an effort to change my lifestyle. I go for swimming every morning before going for class. And hopefully I would become healthier and fitter. Classes start at 1.30pm everyday after lunch so I would not eat with my friends like I'd usually do in the last semesters. I could not adapt to the new time-table yet. I had problems adapting to a new routine in which I would have to do most of the things on my own. I spoke less than I usually would because I prefer studying at home but not at campus, hence I do not see any of my mates after class. I do not like this very much. But I am tired of asking friends out for lunch or dinner. Because I always end up eating alone. I think this should not be a big deal because eventually I would get used to it. But I pay much attention to the progress of my studies. I must focus more. I tend to get

怎么啦。我是不是太愚笨了。一米的距离，一个小时，竟然就这样过去了。 怎么不先开口问好呢。我没正视你一眼呢。可是教授说的话好像都没能听进去。突如其来的惊喜，让人不知所措阿。虽然我正在夸大其词，但是当时的情形确实令人无语。我太兴奋了。所有的饥饿居然可以瞬间被遗忘。我只知道，我真的很喜欢上课了。 你坐得好远好远啊。但是只要开始有想睡觉的感觉，我只要抬起头便可以看见像指头般大小的你，然后整个人振奋起来了。你怎么上课不打瞌睡呢？真的好强阿。 6个月了，自从我意识到你的存在，我也不曾主动向你问好。有时候，我真的会质疑是不是中华民族的血统让我如此矜持低调。所有的情感，我是多么完整地把它们藏在心窝阿。这个世界，我看就只有珀斯念知道。 阿。感谢你的出现。即使我们的线图不会有交错点，我也会很感激的。我总是相信这些线图早已画好，所以我肯定不会主动起来。怎么办，很愚蠢吧。但又能怎样呢？我不能接受女人的主动阿。 明天会更好。亲爱的。

Hello peeps. Here I am again, back to the little nest of my own, in Bukit Jalil where I'd work hard to build my sandcastles. Exam has just ended for a few days and the official holidays for Hari Raya would not begin until after I have started a fortnight of the Gastrointestinal System. I admit I have had so much fun for the past few days though. Do not ask me what it is going to be about but I think there'd be much more anatomies to learn because I am going to a lot about our organs. Right now I feel a little tiredness with a tint of anxiety. Tomorrow is the day when I begin a brand new system of which I know nothing yet. But this time a little different is there. Only those who made it through the exams can proceed to the third semester but results would not be announced until this Friday. Ahh. I have to pass the exam because I so badly want to become a doctor! I promise I am going to strike much harder and learn smarter. So please, let me pass! ( Sigh, I always say this a

Should I blog or should I start studying again? Two weeks of study leave is going to an end in another 24 hours. I could no longer feel for any anxiety, nervousness or excitement.  But one question has always been flashing in my mind. Have I done enough for myself? Frankly speaking, I have no idea. I recalled the two weeks that have just passed and all I could remember is that I could hardly sleep well every night. And I spend the midnights watching series and movies. But if I asked myself whether I should have spent the time studying rather than entertainment and if time would go back, I don't think I would change a thing. I would say, I think I have done the best of what I could have done. Because that is just what  I did. Tomorrow I'm going back to the land of dreams but also of independence, sometimes, sorrow and tranquillity as well. I have to continue working hard and smart because in my life so far, one big dream that has kept me moving is the vision/plan/obliga

Before I could realize, it was already the start of the second week of my third and last system of the semester. Everything seemed so fine until I noticed the most important exam ever is in less than 6 weeks time. I have been tired. Everyday. For the past one week, I had troubles going to bed. And I did not feel like I have got enough rest in the morning. I had no clue why it happened but eventually I figured out a few possible pathogenesis. ( I assume this is abnormal and unhealthy, so I used the word 'patho-'.) It was the first week of the new system and I had three morning sessions as early as eight in the morning. And I did not have any naps in the afternoon. This might be one of the reasons why I feel tired all day long. However, if I was really tired, I should fall asleep easily at night. But it turned out to be the opposite. I tried buying myself drinks in between lectures, just so that it might help waking me up. But apparently it did not help much. In the end of the

其实，这几天过得很郁闷。对吗？ 唉。我不知道我是怎么度过这个星期的。现在回想起来，我只感觉到忧愁和失望。 5个星期的respi现在剩下1个星期了。可是我学了什么呢？我有面对所有问题吗？我是不是再重蹈覆辙。我究竟在干什么？！我很生气啊。生气自己怎么没有把握时间，让时间这么就溜走了。 我真的怀疑自己是不是有什么不妥。以前的毅力去哪里了？以前的努力、坚持、不间断地念书，那种心态去哪里了？我是不是再逃避什么啊？你知道吗，只要有哪一刻你一不留神，时间一过去了，就不能回头了。每一刻可以变得非常关键，也可以变得毫无价值。关键是你如何计划你一天的生活。 意敏啊，你是不是忘记了当初离乡背井来到这里的目的阿？ 你不是要当一个好医生吗？然后可以一面救人，一面赚很多的钱，这样是你要的生活，不是吗？可是你现在所做的一切让人感觉你是一堆烂泥阿。你发生什么事了？从来你也不会10点才起床的，除非是假日。从来你也不会11点就上床睡觉的，除非你生病了。可是你现在就是活得连病人都不如阿。至少病人有早睡觉的理由，因为他们要早日康复。可是你早睡晚起，24小时一半的时间都在睡觉。这样的生活算什么啊？上课时间虽然是在10点半，但是不代表从8点到10点那段时间是用来睡觉的阿。你发生什么事了？我好担心你啊。 你要努力啊。你不可以慢下步伐阿。还有8个星期就是关键你下辈子日子的考试了。如果不能通过，你如何对得起家里的两老阿。他们的血汗钱，让你在这里享受睡觉的日子。这样有道理吗？你是谁啊？你没有资格这样浪费时间和金钱。每一秒的时间，你都在用钱阿。学费、房租、水电费、伙食费…这些，你都忘记了吗？你不是以为你自己是哪一国的公主大人吧？ 你什么时候要振作起来呢？如果你没有办法专心生活，你像什么啊？行尸走肉吗？这是你要的阿？不应该再过这样的生活了。每个人都有24小时，但是有些人在这24小时里学了毕生受用的知识，有些人活了一辈子，还是一个乞丐。你要当乞丐吗？这么想下去，你连乞丐也不如阿。至少乞丐没有用他爸妈的血汗钱生活。 喉咙好疼啊。左边的嘴巴痛的不能咀嚼。怎么吃东西啊？你一天不能振作起来，嘴巴就不会好起来。因为身体没有理由让一个不值得保护的人而奋斗啊。 醒来吧。我亲爱的。我还是爱你的。但是你必须要做自己份内的事情啊。这样才有道理，这样才行得通阿。 加油啊，我亲爱的。

1天前，我刚委婉地拒绝了一个爱慕我的男生。 我在寻找些什么呢？ 重点不在于我为什么这么做，而这启发了一连串的思考活动。 今天在百货商场下电梯的时候，突然好多东西闪过脑海。 我是一个比一般马来西亚女性稍微矮小的女生。 但是我的体格并不小。说得好听一点，我比较丰润。 我的BMI在 normal 与 overweight 的界限之间徘徊，但是我的waist to hip ratio在健康范围内。 我有比较粗的手臂和大腿，所以我几乎没有穿无袖的衣服，也不穿热裤。 我有一头直发，但是不曾做离子烫或任何特别护理法，当然也不染发，所以偶尔比较凌乱。 我的眼睛不算小，睫毛长度中等，但是不曾修眉，只是偶尔很不规律地自己修修。 还好，我的肌肤比较白皙，却又不滑嫩，平常除了剃剃脚毛也没做什么保养。 我属综合性皮肤，T-ZONE经常有油脂聚集而形成的黑头和暗疮，但是不严重也不显眼。 我几乎不修甲。 我几乎不听流行歌曲。 我几乎不能认出很多明星。 我不化妆，也不擅于打扮。 我几乎不跟随潮流。 但是 我欣赏音乐。 我喜欢古典音乐，沙克斯风，也喜欢唱opera的歌星。 我喜欢乐器音乐，喜欢小提琴的旋律，喜欢大提琴的音律，喜欢百合奏的声音。 我欣赏舞蹈。我喜欢芭蕾。我喜欢难以诠释的现代舞。我也喜欢街舞。 我喜欢让自己沉醉在歌舞的世界里。 我喜欢看艺术电影，喜欢恐怖片，喜欢伤感却有意义的故事。 我平时不太爱主动说话，也不懂得挑话题。 我不太懂得交新朋友，也不太懂得维持友情。 但是跟要好的朋友在一起，我可以无所不谈。 … … … … 阿。我是谁呢？ 这样的我，又有谁懂得欣赏？懂得欣赏我的，却又未必认识真正的我。认识真正的我的，却又未必是我懂得欣赏的。 一个人的一生可以遇到多少个人呢。我命中注定的王子会不会到来阿？ 我的思绪飘到好远去了。 这时，我突然觉得妈妈是很幸福的女人啊。我可不可以遇到一个像爸爸一样的男人啊？ 突然觉得，爸爸是那么的温柔，那么的善解人意，那么的让人有安全感。 我也骤然觉得，我是多么幸运的人啊。 可是我的人生里，不能只有爸爸妈妈和弟弟，我将有属于自己的生活。 那个遥远的时候，会是怎么样的呢？ 我必须得有个家，但是如果我的一生注定一个人，怎么办？ 我需要一个家，因为我不喜欢一个人吃饭

今天，我感觉充实。 因为我做了自己想做的事情。 因为我有了更多要努力的理由。 因为我更精力充沛了。 要让自己更有能力掌握目前所学习的知识，就必须多花时间在课业上。我不是聪明一族，所以自然而然，平时的时间大多花在念书，有时甚至周末，也到学校图书馆凑热闹，或者在家里闭门造车。然而，我也有必须让自己透透气的时刻。具体是什么时刻呢？这也许很难说，但是当腎部下大腿上的疮疤越发明显，我就知道，是时候到外面走走了。 每一次外出，即使来来去去都到同样的几个地方，但是我总不感到厌倦。或许，在我生活里已经没有比每天念书更郁闷的事情了吧。 对于一个医学生而言，把一个星期里唯一的星期天花在俗气的百货商场里流离浪荡是一种孽障。因为在很多人眼里，一个医学生的生活必需是充实的，忙碌的，而且做的每件事情都绝对需要一定的成果。我其实也这么认为。但是今天，我发现原来在商场闲逛也可以很充实。 我几乎花了一个小时在同一间店里选购一件运动短裤，过程中尝试穿上超过6条裤子。这个举动，平日的我会觉得是绝对的不妥当。因为我花太多时间在一件事情上了，而且这个举动不会带来多大的意义。即使如此，我非常享受整个过程。从一大箩的运动装里挑出一两件或许适合的，然后又到另一个架子挑出合心意的，这样进进出出更衣室…说实话，在付钱的时候，我已经看过店里每一条运动短裤了。这种情况，只有在真正感受生活的时候才可以做到。所以，对于那花掉的一个小时，我完全没有悔意。 这是我过去2个星期以来一直想做的事情。而且我也曾经答应自己，应该认真念书的时候要全神贯注，那么，在放松的时刻就可以随心做自己想做的事情。 这样在商场里来回走动，有时是盲目的，有时是随机的，有时不知道下一个要进的是什么商店。这种事情，只有在那一刻，当心灵完全得到解脱才允许发生。以前我一直觉得逛街是一种奢侈，也是一种颓废。但是今天突然发现，一个人逛街，可以让自己更清楚下一步要做些什么。 明天将是全新的星期一，又是沉醉在知识里的的时候了。 不知道下一次闲逛百货商场会是什么时候呢？

自从14岁因为好玩而让我不小心堕入爱河，却因此而几乎溺毙之后，我过强的自我保护意识让自己下定决心在认识爱情之前，对它只可远观而不可亵玩厌。 这样单身的日子，一不留神，就过了6年。这些日子，我近乎都沉睡在单身的自由生活中，几乎忘记了情为何物。但是我还是很健康快乐的成长了，或许是因为科学证明了母爱与爱情产生的良性激素较为相似，而我证明了这一切。 直到统考完毕后，我才渐渐发觉，原来我的生活，如果有了爱情这一环，或许会变得更多姿多彩。然而，我喜爱想象的习惯，只是让我把最完美的形象与情节都塑造出来了。但是因为现实意识也很强烈，我做梦的每一刻，也不时提醒自己一切只是完美主义者想象的虚构故事。 我于是开始认真思考。 我的生命，真的需要爱情的滋润？ 因为长期与这个因素比较没有接触，为了简易地诠释并且连接几个因素，思考良久，我认为谈恋爱是为了结婚，结婚通常是为了要有自己的家庭和骨肉。我一向认为自己不厌倦过寂寞的日子，但是过不久又再深思之后，我突然发现，没有爱情，我的人生会失去很多色彩。这样的恍然大悟，是在开始自己生活之后才知道的。我的人生，必须要有家庭。因为我喜欢依靠的感觉，即便那不是生活条件。 我觉得自己是浪漫主义者吧。怎么衡量呢？其实我真的一无所知。但是我偶尔会非常极端地希望有个温暖的怀抱让我紧紧地躲在里边；在夜深人静又难以入睡的夜晚，也会非常希望碰触湿润温暖的一双唇儿，让我重新知道世界可以比我想象得更美丽；我憧憬的未来，会有一双结实稳重的肩膀，让我随心依靠。我喜欢近距离接触人体。因为它的味道，好像可以散发出一种振奋人心的磁场，让我好像活在天堂般。 或许我一直在完美化太多的东西。 或许这一切的结局只是太多的失落感。 但是我相信，始终爱情是神圣的东西，不能任人蹂躏。 哪一天，当我的王子来到了我的生命，我会认真地对待。 然而，如果是不小心找错门的他国王子呢，我也不会随意让他漂泊在外。至少，好好招待之后再送他回到自己的国度也是礼仪。 我相信缘份。更相信人与人之间需要真正相待。 我需要体温，而不是甜言蜜语。 爱情是至高无上的神圣之物。我将等待它的到来，让它在适当的时刻，滋润我的生命，让之五彩斑斓。

从上一次书写到这一次，快一个星期了。也就是说，我进入respi已经一个星期了。 这5天上课天，我一直都在观察自己的行为。我一直不能忘记在Mindfulness Meditation课学过的东西，希望可以对我有所帮助。 打从respi的第一堂课起，我已经不断在打哈欠。其实我每天晚上12点之前就上床睡觉了。但是上课总是没什么精神。上了每天仅有的2个小时课，我又疲劳地回家去，之前也顶多只是在图书馆看看报纸罢了。回到家，天气闷热，心情自然欠佳，打开文件夹要开始复习功课的时候，眼皮却又越来越沉重。这样的感觉让人难受。因为身体不听使唤，让我没有办法完成自己想做的事情。这让我想起sem 1的生活点滴。那个时候，我面对的是同样的问题。每天到了温书的时间就会觉得十分疲累，要不然就完全不能够专注。其实这样最痛苦。如果你有很多事情要完成，但是至少你有毅力，按部就班地做，那不算什么。但是如果即使你只有2份notes要处理，但是你扎根儿无法实行，这是一种极大的折磨。 从第一天上课开始，我就答应了自己必须学习得愉快。 但是这个星期以来，我感觉不到实在感。即使每时每刻在提醒自己该做的要做，但是，我只是感觉到时间过得实在太快。总是在我还没来得及反省自己的不足的时候，5天已经完全过去了 。让原本已经郁闷的我，更雪上添霜。阿……这样的生活，我不稀罕。 后天开始就是respi5个星期的第二个星期了。 我比任何人清楚，2个月后的考试极重要。如果不通，我就等于浪费了12个月以来付出的一切，包括爸爸妈妈的精神与金钱，还有我的自尊也会完全毁灭。我不能如此崩溃。所以，我没有资格继续行尸走肉。老师曾经说过，where you focus is where your mind is。我偶尔会忘记自己的思想能力到了那里。我的脑子一直在头颅里，但是思绪不知道到了那个国度，就像在环游世界一样。我要重新振作了。因为即使我想个瘫痪一样，世界还是在走。他们不会慢下来。 我要努力的生活。越是想到每一天花去的学费和生活费，我就越是感到内疚。我不知道自己为什么会越来越内疚。我应该有更有意义去思考的事情吧。 我要更努力的存活。因为在很快到来的将来，这个世界需要我。 即使现在总是因为自己的无能感到非常无助，但是我相信，只要一直不断努力，我会变得强大。我会变大的！ 要好好加油啊。 永远爱你的自己 =）

It's already one week past May before I could realise, which also means that I have not blogged for the past one month. awh =( But this might be a good sign, because I usually think of blogging when I feel like I am in great need of writing to either suppress my anxiety or to neutralize mood-swings. Tomorrow is the first day of a new system -- The Respiratory System. Well, last week was a one whole week of heavenly life where I have totally lost my mind to food and, the bed. I really had a great time with dad, mum and brother. They are truly wonderful people, who are also the only people so far who are able to let me give up on my plans willingly. Because nothing can replace the precious time spent with them. All I want to do now is to shout at them that I thank them so much for the past one week, tolerating my laziness but instead treating me like an Arabian princess. So, starting tomorrow, it's going to be a brand new week, brand new month and a brand new system to lear

I feel butterflies in my stomach. It isn't pleasant at all. It is the 2nd week of my CVS and I'm suffering the first pms syndrome. To make it clearer, I'm simply having mood swings, which is merely a waste of time, and, it only becomes worse. And so, after taking a hot shower, hoping that it would help a bit although it didn't at all, I decided to spend another quarter of hour to write this blog. I hope it would help. please. There are 3 lectures tomorrow. And I've only printed one. I COULDN'T ACCESS E-LEARNING PORTAL -- AT THIS CRITICAL TIME. I hate it. But partly it should be my fault because I usually print it or at least download it 2 days or more in advance. I must do pre-reading before the lectures!! Because I'm a dumby I would never get what the lecturer is trying to say if I do not. =( one big reason why it leads to mood swings. Next, I had two lectures on DRUGS today. They aren't tough at all. ( I really think so.) But there are a lot. I didn

I suppose I had a great day today. Woke up 7 in the morning for the 8 o'clock MMS, stuffed my head with wonderful names of arteries, veins and tendons of the limbs with Nilesh Kumar. After that I had a badminton session with my friends. They are nice people because they invited me for it and after that they even invited me to their house for lunch. I never felt this strong sensation of existence since I came to IMU. which is one very good thing. and i'm going to sustain it. I helped out at their house. Wow. I liked their kitchen so much. It's fully furnished, newly-renovated with modern cupboards and no pipe is leaking. There's no mouldy smell because ventilation is perfect. They have a bright balcony as well. I enjoyed the meal so much. I never had meals with my batchmates at their house before. This is the first time ever and ... I'm still enjoying the after-taste, and the chewiness of the brown-rice they cooked. I can't tell what exactly has made me

这个美丽的早晨，我醒来后却被恍惚与担忧操困扰着灵魂。因为三个星期看似漫长却非常短暂的假期快结束了。躺在床上，目不转睛看着天花板，我想，可以不调闹钟自然醒的轻松日子似乎告一段落了，生命的拼搏又要开始新的旅程了。 这个假期，我在干什么呢？ 我在浪费时间吗？ 我只知道，我一直纵容自己，让自己只做当下心里想做的事情。所以，大多数时候，我没有在做具体的任务。有时逛逛街，游游泳，看看书，上上网，看看戏…然后忽然发现，这个一年里仅有的三个星期假期就这么悄悄溜走了。 为什么我会觉得紧张，甚至有点害怕呢？ 或许，我在担心，我是不是没有让自己彻底休息好。 或许，我忘记了什么是认真的休息。 于是，我翻开2年前统考时期的记事簿。 记事簿的第一页，写的便是REST的定义。这是班导师肯尼弗为我们诠释的定义。 R - REPLAN E - ENERGIZE S - SPIRIT T - THINK 下面还有一行文字：CHECK ON YOURSELF. HAVE YOU RESTED WELL? 我扪心自问同样的问题。如果这4项我做到了，那么我就通过了。 接着，我再翻翻簿子，里面尽是统考前夕点点滴滴的我思我想。有的文字让希望的火把重燃，有的文字让人寒心酸鼻。但是最后一页，写的是一个小故事，而这个短短的文字，让我的生命毅然充满希望与活力。 那里是这样写着的： “ 这是人生吧。 酸甜苦辣。我这朵温室里的小花又怎么懂世间的困苦？UEC或许带给我痛苦，或许那些痛苦，跟三餐不得温饱的痛苦比起来是无足挂齿的。然而对于温室里的小花，那已经是莫大的伤害了。 小花看着窗外的小草。它向往小草的人生。它向着小草，希望有一天知道外面的世界，什么叫‘人生’。小草看着小花，它总是笑着对着小花。它看见小草因为统考而哭泣，觉得小花病了。小草想，如果那叫做痛苦，那小草每天热晒雨打，没有雨水时却在干涸的死神前晃荡，这种日子叫做什么。 于是小草思考着，它决定不再哭泣。一有哭泣的念头，它便看看窗外的小草，小草即使风吹雨打，还是笑着。它总是坚强地生活着。 有一天，小花想哭了。它急忙看看窗外的小草。可是小草不见了。它去哪儿了？是不是经不起份吹雨打，最终放弃了存活？于是它流泪了。小花伤心地想，‘小草死了，那我一样也会死掉。’ 可是到了第二天，它探出窗外，却看见小草又出来了。

Exam is over and how shall I reward myself? I went on an exploration trip to the Midvalley Megamall today and entered a lot of the shops. The most gracious moment is that I could spend time with my ownself, be it walking, looking, watching, eating or going to the toilet all on my own, without interventions of anyone. It of course doesn't mean that I enjoy being along all the time but it's somewhat true that I always enjoy spending time with myself. It helped in regaining of self-confidence as well as the development of independent planning and organization skills. I don't know how exactly it works out but it is true. Every time after a major event in which I usually have put in a lot of effort, I would reward myself with carrying out new and exciting tasks. Shopping is one of it. I've never had a chance to shop on my own till I was almost in the third year of High School. It sounds sad but I wouldn't say that it is bad because to some people, I should be happy b

It's in the middle of the night and I'm creating a new blog. I had this thought of writing myself a book. A book of thoughts of mine that may be sound or unsound. But that doesn't really matter. I just feel like writing. This book, called a book, merely because I feel like being a more proper writer. It might consist of only 3 to 4 pages, if not, 1 or 2 pages. It's a pastime that would be carried out under no unwillingness or any inappropriate-resulted stress. There is no responsibility held upon causing any misleading knowledge or bias as the entire work would be considered as a 100% narrative.  Before I start on anything, I would like to firstly introduce myself very briefly. I am a Year 1 medical student who has just finished the first graded exam, and is progressing to the 2nd semester upon completion of the first semester MBBS. My ultimate aim is to become a good doctor who possesses much professionalism, which is, according to the Ethics lecture on Communi