The Pacinian corpuscle

时间过得很快。我总是觉得如果我比别人多出48小时，那么我的人生将会变得完美。 最近的日子,因为繁忙的课业还有一大堆未完成事项我必须不断工作，让人窒息让人疲乏。我觉得自己的灵魂好像被打碎的琉璃，尽是无法收拾的残局，令人难堪。因为时间过的太快我对于必须回顾的生活细节无从下手，这让我流失了好多宝贵的回忆。 我的灵魂和躯壳总失去协调。只知道，一到有空闲的时候，我的一部分总在大海中荡漾，漂泊，失去重心。我彻底被疲乏的作息搞垮。我想，人原来是在这种许多一不留神的时刻里失去青春的。 我好疲累啊。可是一小部分的自己却觉得疲累是一个不良效应。什么不良效应呢？只有对生命缺乏信心，希望与乐趣的人才会觉得活着很累。我喜欢我在做的事情。可是我的躯壳好像有点负荷不了。即使是这种疲累，我也认为只有对生命失去憧憬与鞭策力的人才会有如此的经历。一个对生活有美好憧憬的人是绝对充满正能量的。这种能量带来的效应与纯粹由体力支撑的事物完全不可放在同一比较平台上。那是因为这效应是非比寻常的巨大的。像在雪地上滚动的雪球一样，只会变得越来越庞大。 我的疲累可以由此中和吗？我需要好多力气来支撑我接下来要走的路啊。路崎岖不平，可是那是我毕生的选择。我喜欢我的选择。我目前需要的，只是多那一丁点的体力。

And then I told myself, it's okay. I'll become better. But then I'm not quite happy. I realized I'm always not quite happy all the time. I am behind schedule. I am distracted. I am awfully distracted to things that I want to do, feelings that I want to possess. Am I running away from reality? No because I live in reality and no matter how terrific I can be it is me, surviving in the realm of distractions and sufferings and...a place that allows falling behind schedule and forever feeling unsatisfactory to life. There you go, I told myself. There is no bounding of heartbeats. No breathes that become too shallow and quick. But it is there, the distractions, that would begin and would not end. But when your eyes fall on mine, I took it as a little step closer to fostering a better friendship. Period. But your eyes fall on mine for the second time, but third time and, but, for the fourth time. My hormones start to play around with me. It is disgusting, when dist

My eyes can't help but to look out for the piece of fat in which the pork is sliced in a way that the fatty layers lie in between the skin and the meat. I couldn't focus on my plate anymore because I was hoping so hard that Mum would not swallow that down the throat. But then what I hoped for did not happen. In the next minute there is no where I can find the remaining fatty layer. It must have been in the stomach already. At the instance I felt nothing but suffocation. I could not breathe well and I felt heavy on my chest. I could not tolerate that at all. I felt that I have failed so badly in stopping that to happen. But it was too late. I couldn't stop Mum from swallowing it. I have never felt so miserable before.  In the wards, day and night, I have talked to and seen numerous patients coming in and out of the hospital because of complications of Diabetes. As people who learn medicine, we know very well what is going to happen to diabetics in the long run, when their

今天，你让我意识到你的存在了。 那久违的思念却显得格外陌生。 何时，我变得如此善变，变得如此开通。没有拘束，没有牵挂，也没有负担。 是我变得果断了，还是因为心中本属于你的空间该由意义更大的事物所占据？ 当你越发强烈地让我意识到你的存在时，原来我已非昔日。只知道，当下的我有更重要的事情要完成。然而我却未曾抗拒你的到来，只是转航的船只不会回到原点，它只会向目的地不断前进了。 我的私心却依然如故。不知道为何，我依然喜欢你的存在，依然因为你的笑容而开心一整天。过去的时间里，我们从陌生人变成零交流的同班同学，再由零交流的同班同学变成有一点交流的同学。我们只会讨论课业上的问题，我们只会展现笑容，我们只会满足于现状。我不知道我们有没有继续成为朋友，因为我们只是停留在一个只享受微笑的阶段。其实，我们没有话题。我看不见一线曙光。我本以为这是深渊，其实不然，因为在深渊里无论多么乌黑我们总会有交错点。我们停留在一片广阔的平原。这个平原没有尽头。 我很庆幸你曾经让我如此为生活而着迷，也感恩因为你，我发现了生命不该为了看不见曙光的事物而颓丧，更不该停下步伐。因为我的生命里应该是为了有意义的事情而奋斗的。 我相信命运。我更相信自己。 仅此而已。