The Pacinian corpuscle

Today was long and tiring. I thought I slept well the night before but I woke up with a headache. I thought I wouldn't survive till CSSC which lasted for almost 3 hours. But I did. Maybe it's all because of the lecturer who did a great job entertaining me. Or maybe it's because of you, who were sitting right next to me. I thought some little bursts of adrenaline helped a lot. I didn't turn to see you at all - not even once.  But I think we were sitting really close to each other. I didn't see your face. But I peeped and saw your thighs crossed over to each other. We had zero communication. But I was too certain and aware that you were there. That's why I survive well throughout the session. I forgot that I was having a headache as well. And then after class I waved good-bye to you. I think I hopped down the stairs when I would normally use the elevator. I had a great day. I appreciate little things that happen to me in my daily life. They don't have ...

Oh and by the way, I looked at your lips today. I think they were sexy. I was looking for pimples/scars from healed pimples on your face too. I couldn't find any. I wonder why you could have such good complexion. I used to think that I was in love whenever I saw you. But now you are the one who is constantly reminding me that I am single and very independent. I was able to focus well in my work now, even when you are just an inch away from me. Maybe I have taken it for granted or maybe I am aware enough the fact that you are just but my another ward mate and we might just be only-friends after all. I am not sad but maybe this has just proven that it is not time yet. Some people said that we will only be able to fall in love when we understand about ourselves better. I guess this might be right. Sometimes I don't know who I am. Maybe I should learn to be a more confident me. I'm still in search of myself. But then on the other hand, I still enjoying being aware of y...

I knew my wishes came true when you came to talk to me today. Even though it was just for a couple of minutes. It made my day and I kept a smile on my face throughout the day. You were so shy. Sometimes when you walked pass me you turned your head away from me. So that you wouldn't see me seeing you. It was cold in the room. Your nails were almost purplish. I checked mine, but they were fine. I was hoping that you were not anemic like me. Our leader called us for a meeting today. She was electing some of us to do a presentation. Were you too shy? Or maybe you're not used to talking in front of the crowds. But I have always imagined myself feeling proud of the person that I like while he or she is presenting herself in public. Before going home, all of us were sitting at the cafe waiting for a doctor who was supposed to turn up at 4. There was a place just next to me. But you didn't sit there. I couldn't figure out why. Maybe I might change my mind. But maybe y...

I fell sick today. I think I couldn't even walk to the bathroom properly because when I woke up my room was in chaos. But I guess I had a nice dream although my headache was almost killing me. ************************************************************************** When I thought we couldn't be friends, and then I just lost some hope on you, you lit up hope to me again. Because you said Goodbye to me today, for the very first time. In the wards today I was talking to you sometimes, and I realized I did not have butterflies in my guts anymore. I guess I have learned to overcome the ridiculous anxiety that would arise seeing you. In the afternoon in the conference room I started to feel weak and sick. I thought you would never be noticing me anymore so I did what I should, trying to show as little awareness of your presence as possible. But I realized we would always leave a session almost together. But then I would always be after you. And when I thought you could ha...

I think I have just failed too badly. I think my pleasures are going to be over too soon. I think I have been dreaming too well. I think I'm just going back to my ownself. **************************************************************** I was smiling at you, saying Hello to you by heart. And then I was sitting behind you, thinking of how wonderful this day would be. I was then sitting next to you. I tried to talk to you. I tapped on your shoulder, now couldn't really recall what I told you. I thought I was too aware of your presence. I talked to you for a while and then you did too.  But my heart remained calm until when I stopped talking and got back my senses, I started having butterflies in my stomach. I was happy thinking of you even though I had indigestion almost everyday. I thought things would go on and proceed further. But today I think I had been wrong. I was too obsessed over my feelings, so overwhelmed that I could not see reali...

When I think of going to school tomorrow morning, I feel butterflies in my stomach. Because I can't wait to go to school, though there are so many uncertainties and that I have not spent sufficient time on my revision, I might not be able to do anything efficiently. I am anxious and excited at the same time. But I will see you.  I wonder if you would, too. I wonder if you would say Hi to me. I wonder if you would really see me, or you would pretend that you don't. I might just walk pass you again, without looking at you, without saying a word to you. I might smile at you for a just a while, if I have not come back to my senses yet. So I wonder if you would just say Hi to me, and you would just make my day. I wonder if you would know.