What's me?

Is it another failure?is it another proof or reassurance that that's the reason I can't move on well with life?

I walked pass dr.y at de brio after I've got myself food.he was siting there alone but I decided to walk pass him and sat at a table behind his.i had a flick of thought that I should approach him and talk to him.he is a nice lecturer and I am sure i have lots of things to learn from him.but why did I let go the chance? Like I wouldn't appreciate it at all?

The next minute I imagined myself as a miniaturized puppet isolated by myself from the crowd.i don't know what and why.i always ask myself what I wish to do and how I want it to be when I can't make a decision.so I asked myself, but I couldn't find an answer.why didn't I go for it? What was the thing that I was so concern about? What stopped me from approaching a friendly and knowledgeable lecturer? have I been such a coward all this while?

I imagined myself attending counselling classes because I canny find my focus anymore.there are too many considerations, most are unnecessary and useless I suppose, that have become the reasons of contradictions in the things that I wanted to do so badly initially.

Why do I feel like I'm getting smaller and smaller when I'm growing up?I'm scared that on one fine day I might lose track of myself.when the gap between what I really want to do and what I have done becomes too big.