Such an overwhelming day today. Time flies like an arrow. Little did I realise it is already the last day of January. New year Eve of 2022 has long passed and Chinese New Year is ending soon; they felt like yesterday. Therefore, it's been 8 months since I joined Psychiatry in this new work place. Learning curve has been flattening and I am feeling moody on days when I feel I can't get enough learning. Let me come back to the point. Everything that happened today has put me in a position that I had to settle almost all of it on my own. Retrospectively, I was panicky and I found my voice trembling. To be honest, I was never left in such a helpless situation. I was in great despair for a short while from all the remarks I received from my superior during the aftermath. It made me think through a lot of things and I felt like my mind is in action again, after such a long time. I had to speak to my friends. They made my voice tremble more because they reminded m...
And then I told myself, it's okay. I'll become better. But then I'm not quite happy. I realized I'm always not quite happy all the time. I am behind schedule. I am distracted. I am awfully distracted to things that I want to do, feelings that I want to possess. Am I running away from reality? No because I live in reality and no matter how terrific I can be it is me, surviving in the realm of distractions and sufferings and...a place that allows falling behind schedule and forever feeling unsatisfactory to life. There you go, I told myself. There is no bounding of heartbeats. No breathes that become too shallow and quick. But it is there, the distractions, that would begin and would not end. But when your eyes fall on mine, I took it as a little step closer to fostering a better friendship. Period. But your eyes fall on mine for the second time, but third time and, but, for the fourth time. My hormones start to play around with me. It is disgusting, when dist...
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