Never have I ever held so much of tear for so long a time. Tzu Chi is not entirely new to me but I've not had a good chance to learn about this organisation until recently. Here I'm grateful to my friend Lee who brought me in to a Tzu Chi conference in KL. Today is day 2 and I'm so surprised I've completely let myself immersed in the atmosphere to such an extent that I'm almost always moved by the stories I heard in the conference. People become touched when they hear inspiring stories; I was inspired by some stories yesterday but I never wanted to tear up. Today was totally beyond it. I realised I was holding back my tears all the time. This was to my surprise because I never think that I'm a person who'd be easily moved or touched. I do not tear up easily. I tried to think through the many things that I learnt in the past 48 hours and I've had a lot of realisations. I've realised now that there are so many things that I could do to help the needy...
I'm highly irritable now.I'm angry, disappointed and suffocated with most of the things around me including myself. I am aware of my feelings.and I see the changes that im experiencing.but I never ask why because I know it might be part of the symptoms. I hate the people living across my unit.and the people who never stop the drilling works.i could not stand the noise which was once so hardly noticeable to be angry at.i hate the kids who scream and wail like the world is going to end soonand they would never see their mothers anymore.my housemate irritates me by burning part of the handle if a cooking utensil.ashes were flying all over the place. I could not focus on my work.i feel useless.i could not decide what I wanted to do, until I calmed myself down and I did not manage to do a thing because it was all too late. Tomorrow is unknown.and I feel so insecure.what is so worrying now? I hope I get over it soon.i hope I can enjoy my work again.
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