Am I building sandcastles in the air?

I couldn't wait to reach home today. Because I was so overwhelmed by all kinds of emotions, so congested that I couldn't even figure out which was from which. So I'll just have to sit and write them down before I forget them. That's because I treasure each of my feelings greatly.

             *******               *******               *******               *******          

I woke up before my alarm clock did today. And before I opened my eyes, I saw you. I thought I was hallucinating. But I was certain that was you. And I woke up with a smiley face because my day will be happy and hopeful.

Today you wore a dark-colored stripy shirt, which made you even more fairer. But I didn't really see you. Although I knew you were there. I thought being too aware of a person's presence would make me a psycho, and I probably wouldn't be able to focus in class anymore if I did that. But I guess today would be the last day that we would sit in the same hall because after this we will be all over the place either in the hospital, the school or the clinic. It wouldn't matter because all I would do is just to be aware of you when you are around me. And that probably would make my day.

                 *******               *******               *******            

You were there, standing right beside me. But my heart wouldn't race because I was already pretty used to feeling anxious when you're around. But nothing happened. And I did not do anything. I was standing there too, doing nothing, but already being too aware of your presence that I could think of anything else. I thought of the lyrics, 'whatever will be, will be'. How pathetic. But that's the only way that I could think of to let things happen, if there'd be any.

         *******               *******               *******  

You were leaving already because you have signed for your name. And I knew. Your friends were probably waiting for you to leave. But you were standing or sitting there, just next to the table where we signed our names, but doing nothing. I was still in the queue which was getting longer and longer because people kept jumping the queue. But I was alright. After all, I wouldn't be saying hello or bye-bye to you, I thought, I'd just see you leave the hall. You left. After a minute or so, you came back, going to the same place you're standing before you left. I didn't even look at the exit but I knew. I wondered how I managed to do so.
But you were doing nothing too. I wondered why you came back.

*********************************************************************************

Sometimes I just wondered. I thought. Maybe. Perhaps. Probably.

Something could be going on. But nothing really did.

It's okay I told myself. Maybe it's not yet time.

But sometimes I just can't stop myself wondering if you did something. Or something happens. And what will happen next.

Am I building sandcastles in the air?












Comments

Popular posts from this blog

EQ and communications

Jan 2023

期盼能有多一分能耐多一分力量