The Pacinian corpuscle

Today I'm feeling sleepy I'm feeling tired I'm feeling motionless I'm miserable Today is the most quiet Friday ever I couldn't catch hold of my friend again I lost her And I couldn't find her I am filled with uncertainties What has happened? I do not know. What have I done wrong? I do not know. What is wrong with her? I do not know. Maybe, I am too sensitive.  Maybe not. Maybe I have done something that make her lost faith of me. Today I am filled with emptiness. too gloomy to describe in words. My dear friend Why don't you speak up? Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you stressed out? I am here for you all the time. I have ears that listen and shoulders to lean on. But why I feel sad because you did not come to me. Please prove me wrong, that you are just not in the mood. And that nothing is wrong. But no, how can a person becomes so quiet all of a sudden. All that I sensed is uncer...

The sun is scorching hot, and the heat doesn't subside even after the sun has set. It is 9 in the evening but 32 degrees Celsius and it feels like 42. My body is sticky and my elbows become sweaty because they are in contact with the study desk. I could smell heat. It has once taken away all my remaining energy but I just decided that I would live with it. So I switched off the air conditioner and I stopped showering multiple times in a day.  I feel the heat, and I acknowledge it. I do not run away from it anymore. I let my elbows be sweaty. and my body be sticky. I sit at the table, concentrating on what I am supposed to be doing. I forget about how unpleasant it is. Because I have chosen to live with it.  I stay with 2 of my housemates who are my batchmates. I knew them since 2 years ago during orientation. We are friends and at times, we are so close that we do pillow talks. But at times we become silent and the bonds among us miniaturize. We don't talk when it is not ne...

从日本回来已经第二天了，我的思绪还是漂浮不定。过去9天大开眼界，让我发现原来马来西亚外面有如此美丽的城市，如此令人向往的文明。 这次的旅行有点不一样，因为时间关系，有好多项目都是最后关头决定下来的。也因为这样，我并没有如往常下功夫先对这个国家多作了解。 总的来说，日本这个国家太美丽了。到过的好多庙宇并没有让我留下太多印象，我更欣赏的反而是日本人待人处事的方法。从第一天到步开始，我便被他们的待人方式所着迷。那天我找不到酒店的方向，便尝试向一个日本人求助。这位先生即使正往相反方向行走，但他为了让我找到酒店，还亲自领我到酒店的大门。这种事情绝不会发生在我生活的这个社会里。因此，它让人好奇，究竟日本人的教育包含了什么这里缺少的因素。 我喜欢走在日本人的住宅区。我喜欢看他们的屋子。屋子虽小，可是每一间的设计都不一样，而且装饰及色彩也有区别,很难找到2间设计相似的房子。从墙角到屋瓦可以看出日本人是格外细腻的。 这次旅游让我觉悟的另一件事，是马币的价值。我总是想象，如果马币的价值是实际的两倍，那该多好。那么到世界各国都轻松多了。要马币升值可能是好久好久以后的事情了，因此这也让我联想到，如果我可以到国外赚钱，那么是不是可以提升我的生活素质？ 我有个在美国生长的马来西亚朋友。我曾经非常羡慕他。我总觉得一个国家要从“发展中”升级到“发达”需要好多个世纪。如果我可以出外工作，并且留居此地，我是不是比别人跑快了好几个世纪了？ 我似乎该认真想想我想要的未来了。时间不多了，该定下心来，处理好自己的事情，按部就班达成目标。 P.S. 感谢爸爸抽空带我出国旅游。我找不到比他更好的男人了。 

A fortnight ago, it just happened one day that I started talking to one of my former classmates through FB who is now residing in the US for many years. It was almost a week that we chatted almost every evening. Just so you know, the last time I met him was many years ago. We are friends but we are not very close though. I always want to know more about different things that happen in the US so I guess curiosity kept the conversations going. Before this and before I realized, I've actually been engaged in a relationship whereby I did not know the person beforehand, which later transformed into a real-life face-to-face relationship. On realization of these 2 experiences I've learnt that there are vast differences between a virtual relationship and a real-life one. Hence, I started to ponder upon the value of being engaged in a virtual relationship. A virtual relationship basically means that you communicate with the other party without seeing the person face-to-face. It does n...

时间过得很快。我总是觉得如果我比别人多出48小时，那么我的人生将会变得完美。 最近的日子,因为繁忙的课业还有一大堆未完成事项我必须不断工作，让人窒息让人疲乏。我觉得自己的灵魂好像被打碎的琉璃，尽是无法收拾的残局，令人难堪。因为时间过的太快我对于必须回顾的生活细节无从下手，这让我流失了好多宝贵的回忆。 我的灵魂和躯壳总失去协调。只知道，一到有空闲的时候，我的一部分总在大海中荡漾，漂泊，失去重心。我彻底被疲乏的作息搞垮。我想，人原来是在这种许多一不留神的时刻里失去青春的。 我好疲累啊。可是一小部分的自己却觉得疲累是一个不良效应。什么不良效应呢？只有对生命缺乏信心，希望与乐趣的人才会觉得活着很累。我喜欢我在做的事情。可是我的躯壳好像有点负荷不了。即使是这种疲累，我也认为只有对生命失去憧憬与鞭策力的人才会有如此的经历。一个对生活有美好憧憬的人是绝对充满正能量的。这种能量带来的效应与纯粹由体力支撑的事物完全不可放在同一比较平台上。那是因为这效应是非比寻常的巨大的。像在雪地上滚动的雪球一样，只会变得越来越庞大。 我的疲累可以由此中和吗？我需要好多力气来支撑我接下来要走的路啊。路崎岖不平，可是那是我毕生的选择。我喜欢我的选择。我目前需要的，只是多那一丁点的体力。

And then I told myself, it's okay. I'll become better. But then I'm not quite happy. I realized I'm always not quite happy all the time. I am behind schedule. I am distracted. I am awfully distracted to things that I want to do, feelings that I want to possess. Am I running away from reality? No because I live in reality and no matter how terrific I can be it is me, surviving in the realm of distractions and sufferings and...a place that allows falling behind schedule and forever feeling unsatisfactory to life. There you go, I told myself. There is no bounding of heartbeats. No breathes that become too shallow and quick. But it is there, the distractions, that would begin and would not end. But when your eyes fall on mine, I took it as a little step closer to fostering a better friendship. Period. But your eyes fall on mine for the second time, but third time and, but, for the fourth time. My hormones start to play around with me. It is disgusting, when dist...

My eyes can't help but to look out for the piece of fat in which the pork is sliced in a way that the fatty layers lie in between the skin and the meat. I couldn't focus on my plate anymore because I was hoping so hard that Mum would not swallow that down the throat. But then what I hoped for did not happen. In the next minute there is no where I can find the remaining fatty layer. It must have been in the stomach already. At the instance I felt nothing but suffocation. I could not breathe well and I felt heavy on my chest. I could not tolerate that at all. I felt that I have failed so badly in stopping that to happen. But it was too late. I couldn't stop Mum from swallowing it. I have never felt so miserable before.  In the wards, day and night, I have talked to and seen numerous patients coming in and out of the hospital because of complications of Diabetes. As people who learn medicine, we know very well what is going to happen to diabetics in the long run, when their...