No Virtue is based upon Ignorance - You have to do it knowingly.

Why am I so overly obsessed over my own thoughts and emotions?

It's been a while since the last time I truly laughed out loud and when I truly let myself immersed in pure joy. That was fun. And I appreciated every moment of it. This is the least that I could be happy about the past.

I guess it's never the same anymore. 

Time has passed, and things have changed. But I have not moved on as much as I thought I've had for I'm still longing for more. As I glanced through the gallery of photos that were taken over the past few days, I was feeling very upset. Yes there were some group photo but no, I was not actually even in the team. It's not anything I'm used to -- to have been to the same place at the same time with the same group of people but was so physically absent. I was a little pissed off because it feels almost similar to being ignored. No, I actually hated it.

I always enjoyed being in a team. In fact the most important reason I enjoyed hiking is the sense of security and belonging that I gain when I am part of the team. And I was upset because I felt like a neglected, lost sheep in the jungle and I was abandoned. I made it to the peak of course, and I enjoyed, but no bit of it came from being in a team. It only came from being close to nature. I could have joined any hiking group to do this. And it could have been more fun meeting new friends actually. Of course, my frustration also comes from the fact that I've become such a narrow-minded person who bothers about very tiny matter like this. I do not usually allow this thinking process to happen.

I'm so overly obsessed over my own emotion to the point that I find myself so distracted from it. I think if I ever let myself go out of job for a few more weeks I could become depressed or schizophrenic.