Inaneness
I'm actually too tired to be barely able to say about anything now.
I probably had an emotional turmoil earlier on. Well but when I thought about it, it was absolutely not because of the events that I went through a couple of hours before the day ended. It was something from within, which was pretty harsh and dreadful, and I was reminded of it today after a very long time.
In fact, it feels like a déjà vu, or rather, a post-traumatic sort of thing. It feels like as if I was having a lot of flashbacks of feelings that I have long forgotten. Those were feelings that I had to frequently overcome in the past during the younger days when I tend to get caught up in nasty situations. They have come back to me now before I realise I was just better at avoiding difficult situations.
I believe every thing happens for a reason. And for what I've seen and done today, even though some part of it was disgracing, I had a lot more gratitude. That's probably what I've been seeking since a long time ago, i.e. to get myself out of the comfort zone, do something different and make sure I only become a better being.
I can't lay around at home anymore. It's making me weaker. I can't even respond nicely now.
Maybe I should start going out for coffee. And start getting myself caught in weird situations until I don't feel them sense of deficiency. And shame. But I need more pride. I give in too easily. Sigh. I need to figure things out. I can't even.
Never mind. At least there's a lead now.
I probably had an emotional turmoil earlier on. Well but when I thought about it, it was absolutely not because of the events that I went through a couple of hours before the day ended. It was something from within, which was pretty harsh and dreadful, and I was reminded of it today after a very long time.
In fact, it feels like a déjà vu, or rather, a post-traumatic sort of thing. It feels like as if I was having a lot of flashbacks of feelings that I have long forgotten. Those were feelings that I had to frequently overcome in the past during the younger days when I tend to get caught up in nasty situations. They have come back to me now before I realise I was just better at avoiding difficult situations.
I believe every thing happens for a reason. And for what I've seen and done today, even though some part of it was disgracing, I had a lot more gratitude. That's probably what I've been seeking since a long time ago, i.e. to get myself out of the comfort zone, do something different and make sure I only become a better being.
I can't lay around at home anymore. It's making me weaker. I can't even respond nicely now.
Maybe I should start going out for coffee. And start getting myself caught in weird situations until I don't feel them sense of deficiency. And shame. But I need more pride. I give in too easily. Sigh. I need to figure things out. I can't even.
Never mind. At least there's a lead now.
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