Love vs. Infatuation

I have a friend who once asked of me why he was always struggling within himself with emotions. To be specific, those were emotions that he had towards another person but the struggles were always one-sided. He was always easily carried away by the strong feelings, so much so that he felt lost and empty when the feelings were gone.

So, I started to think: How do these emotions arise and what are they? Is it love? Or is it something else? I believe that it is the latter because true love would never drive a person mad and nobody, no matter how deep love is, would give up on anything just so that he or she could retain the strong desire when the chemistry in our brains strike.

Well, apparently, my friend was suffering within the intense emotions that he had because he did not realize that he was not in love after all. The feelings were brought about by what is called infatuation. Certainly, he was confused between love and infatuation. By definition, infatuation is a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration. It usually happens to an adolescent when love is temporary. It is an object of extravagant short-lived passion, which explains why one feels extremely empty when the feeling no longer persists. In other words, infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by unreasoning passion or love; addictive love. Infatuation usually occurs at the beginning of relationship when sexual attraction is central. On the other hand, love can be descried as feeling of intense affection for another person. It is most often talked about as interpersonal love. (1)

I happened to stumble on a webpage that very well dictates the differences between infatuation and love. I'd cited the reference below and I think it is really informative and helpful for people who are confused between the two. 

Definition	Infatuation is the state of being completely lost in the emotion of unreasoning desire.	A decision to commit oneself to another and to work through conflicts instead of giving up.
Associated with	Selfish uncontrollable desire.	Physical chemistry over a fairly long period of time.
Sub-Categories	Short lived physical desire, crush, lust, hormonal activity, or addictive chemical reactions in the brain. Not revived with the same person without a deeper feeling.	Intimacy, commitment, security, the desire to please and help the other person.
Symptoms	Urgency, intensity, sexual desire, anxiety, high risk choices, reckless abandonment of what was once valued.	Faithfulness, loyalty, confidence. Willingness to make sacrifices for another. Working at settling differences. Able to compromise so that either both win or at least give the other person's opinion a chance.
Person to Person	Reckless commitment to satisfy one's all consuming lust.	Commitment to another. Genuine intentions. Think about other person's feelings before acting.
Feels like	All-consuming euphoria similar to recreational drug use (addictive chemical reactions in the brain), stupidity (cupidity). Can risk everything for the next hit of adrenalin.	A deep affection, contentment, confidence. Partners communicate and negotiate appropriate expectations. Requires a lot of selflessness and polite assertiveness. You are loving your best friend.
Result	Emptiness, consequences of choices made while under the influence of mind numbing temporary lust.	Security, peace, a solid partnership which can provide the ideal atmosphere to raise confident secure children.
Effect	Being controlled by brain chemistry, not the heart, loss of ability to make rational evaluations of what is true, valuable and worthy.	Contentment, stability.
Interdependency	Cannot be sustained without some portion of love and physical attraction. Desire to be always close to that person at any cost.	Partnership. Can lead to codependency if not tempered with self-awareness and self-guidedness.
Time Period	Takes off fast and furious like a spark in dry grass burns out quickly and can leave feelings of emptiness.	It will deepen with the passsage of time.
Commitment	This is temporary in life and goes off after some period.	This is permanent commitment and stays throughout the life.
Bottom Line	Infatuation is delusional. Not real.	Love is unconditional and the real deal.
Patience	Infatuation is of the now.	Love is a gradual process. It happens over time

If you too once were confused with the feelings you had, I am sure that the above table would have helped you understand what emotions you are actually going through. If what you experienced is more of what is described on the left columns, you were most likely in the state of infatuation.


Therefore, be aware of your feelings, acknowledge them but be careful of how much you commit because if you are confused and you might want to give in like how people in true love would, you might end up with nothing but emptiness and disappointment. All struggles would only happen within you, and nobody else would know. This is because, infatuation, is a total delusion. Not real.


1. (2014) Infatuation vs. Love, Available at:http://www.diffen.com/difference/Infatuation_vs_Love (Accessed: 21st September 2014).