我害怕失去

-
又一次我打开自己
又有人在说我有恐怖的想法
我不可以先判别什么
退一步去想
我还是极度相信所有事情有因果

我总是喜欢一个人思考
那是因为我习惯了给自己一个交代
就好比现在，我在书写。因为我知道在停笔之后我将得到一点舒解。
我只是习惯给自己肯定的方法

我始终觉得没有错
可是好朋友却说拥有这样的想法好像不太正常
因为这样
我觉得有点懊恼
因为我是这样活过来的

解剖了自己
久违的这一次
让我再次让别人认识自己
可是我所表现的一切
是真的自己吗
还是我想让大家看到的自己

好久了
有人说
我并没有在做真正的自己

也许正确
也许不正确

正确，因为我活着却心想着要成为更好的自己
比如变的更聪明更让人喜爱更让人羡慕
即便自己其实一再地告诉自己
我不需要看别人脸色过日子

错误，那是因为至少在过去的十年里面
我是用这样的心态过日子的


其实扪心自问
有谁不喜欢被爱，又有谁不喜欢爱一个人呢
爱情如此珍贵稀有
如果我说我宁愿一个人度过剩余的人生
那是天大的谎言吧

朋友说
我很容易爱上某人
却很难接受那个某人

我不知道自己有没有中枪
只是我知道我确实轻易爱上某人
可是要踏出第一步
难如登天吧

因为
我害怕
比起拥有
我更害怕失去

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