When your mind oscillates in an altered state of consciousness...
This morning my sleep was disrupted by a faulty alarm ringing at 6.30am. Partially awake, I dragged my arm to reach the Ipad to turn off the alarm. I felt a sudden intense pain at my 4th right MCP joint. I tried to flex my fingers but all I could feel was stiffness and more pain. I grabbed hold of my right hand with my left, trying for passive movements. I still felt the pain, and more stiffness. I realized I couldn't move my fingers freely anymore. Still feeling partially awake, I wasn't sure whether I was in my dream or, I was actually awake, I started trying to recall what I did to my fingers the night before. Then I think I cracked my MCP joints to re-align them as what I'd usually do once in a moment but I guess I was a little too harsh the night before. My consciousness went down back to when I was sound asleep just a couple of minutes before, but it was taken over by my subconscious mind.
My eyes were closed but my entire body paralyzed, at least I'm pretty sure about this. I think I became aware before the REM cycle has finished. ( I don't quite understand this part though, where has my NREM gone? It's supposed to take up more time before REM begins. )
I didn't feel any pounding heartbeats but I guess they are pacing. I realized I was feeling worried. In my mind I was running through a list of differentials of the problems of my MCP joints. I had a flashback of myself complaining of right knee pain just a couple of weeks ago. I thought of early osteoarthritis of my knee. Because I started complaining since clinical years had begun, when I had to stand for long hours every day. Then I remembered seeing a positive when I got my Rheumatoid Factor screened. I became more worried, although knowing that RF is not a specific test after all. I thought of Rheumatoid arthritis. I felt restless, imagining myself tossing and turning on the bed though I am pretty sure I still couldn't move a finger at the time.
I saw myself standing at the operating theatre in scrubs and all. But I was worried. I was worried I wouldn't be able to move my fingers flexibly. How would I be able to perform a surgery then? I have no idea how that thought came to my mind. I have never decided to become a surgeon. But all I knew was that I was a surgeon in training, and I was going to fail if I was going to have arthritis in my fingers.
Then everything disappeared. I can't recall what happened next. 2 hours later, I woke up and the first thing I did was to check my MCP out. I think I strained the ligaments. I got up to get myself washed and I think I had a nightmare.
Now I have a new question for myself. Subconsciously, have I always been wanting to become a surgeon?
My eyes were closed but my entire body paralyzed, at least I'm pretty sure about this. I think I became aware before the REM cycle has finished. ( I don't quite understand this part though, where has my NREM gone? It's supposed to take up more time before REM begins. )
I didn't feel any pounding heartbeats but I guess they are pacing. I realized I was feeling worried. In my mind I was running through a list of differentials of the problems of my MCP joints. I had a flashback of myself complaining of right knee pain just a couple of weeks ago. I thought of early osteoarthritis of my knee. Because I started complaining since clinical years had begun, when I had to stand for long hours every day. Then I remembered seeing a positive when I got my Rheumatoid Factor screened. I became more worried, although knowing that RF is not a specific test after all. I thought of Rheumatoid arthritis. I felt restless, imagining myself tossing and turning on the bed though I am pretty sure I still couldn't move a finger at the time.
I saw myself standing at the operating theatre in scrubs and all. But I was worried. I was worried I wouldn't be able to move my fingers flexibly. How would I be able to perform a surgery then? I have no idea how that thought came to my mind. I have never decided to become a surgeon. But all I knew was that I was a surgeon in training, and I was going to fail if I was going to have arthritis in my fingers.
Then everything disappeared. I can't recall what happened next. 2 hours later, I woke up and the first thing I did was to check my MCP out. I think I strained the ligaments. I got up to get myself washed and I think I had a nightmare.
Now I have a new question for myself. Subconsciously, have I always been wanting to become a surgeon?
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