The Pacinian corpuscle

Yes I think I can feel it now; after 3 years being a medical student who has always wanted to have a real feel of what's called medical student syndrome and how difficult life can be because I have never believed in anyone saying how 'lifeless' the life of a medical student is and how terrible or pathetic it can be to be a full time medical student. I've just entered Year 4 for just 5 weeks now and I think I'm starting to experience what's called stress for a medical student. Since I did not believe in how stressful life can be as I've never really been through difficult times yet I'd say because I am probably a little luckier for being able to cope with all kinds of things in the past 3 years, I've not been very aware of the 'bad' times. But now, I start to think that maybe I am experiencing what most medical students are expected to have. I know it when I see tender erythematous vesicles of various sizes mushrooming on my face, settling...

今天下午因为教授还在手术室，我们11个人坐在诊所外的长椅上等待她的到来。我坐在最靠入口的椅子上，把头倚在敞开的木门边休息。虽然累得很，但我没能闭上眼睛。原来，当一个人为周遭所发生的事而感到很累很累时，眼睛是不会闭上的，也不会想小憩的，因为心里的焦虑和不断释放的类固醇让人心更乱如麻。 突然，我好想念那个过去的时光，也好怀念让人感到无比温暖的时刻。是因为你曾经的出现吗？让我我暂且忘了现实的残酷与寒冷。当下，我只知道在人生转角处，还能看见充满希望的光辉，那是无比幸福的事情。 偶尔在街上看见为女士打开车门的男士，我会想起你，然后心里油然而生的是轻快无比的快乐。也不知道为什么，你我如此短暂的相遇，当中的点点滴滴也可以让人回味那么久。你究竟做了什么让人如此忘怀啊。 我竟然也想不起了。 累的要跨下之际，我闭上眼睛，脑海浮现的是为躺在病榻上的儿子擦身的父亲。这一幕，也让人能温暖许久。我必须用心留意这些人世间的暖意，让心窝不断得到滋润。因为如同床边放置的小小金钱树，如果没了灌溉，便会很快干涸然后死去。 我不知道生命里会不会出现第二个你，第二个让人如此倾心又令人怀念的你。时间过去那么久了，对于你曾经的出现和离别，我仍无法忘怀。不知道还要经过多少岁月，我才能重新遇到像你一样能让人无比倾心的人。就像夜空里划过的流星，看过了，体验过了，开心过了，便过去了。想要遇到第二颗同样亮丽的流星，不知道是何年何月才可实现的痴心妄想之事了。

Today was long. Today was tiring. Today was almost debilitating. I almost fell apart, and shattered into pieces. But no, I was wrong. Things turned out pretty well and I had the best time of all at school today. The best part was having enthusiastic lecturers who takes the trouble to teach. Right from 1.30pm after lunch up till 5pm. All my life even during my primary school days I've never had a chance to meet people who are so dedicated and committed in teaching. I certainly enjoy Orthopaedics, putting aside the terribly-arranged schedules for classes, but having superbly convincing lecturers who inspire has definitely brought things to a higher level. I have never imagined myself sitting in the seminar room, even after 4 hours of continuous class, and keeping myself awake since 7 in the morning, still listening so attentively and involving myself in all discussions brought up by the lecturer. I can't feel more grateful to have great souls around me, inspiring me from time to ...

I have a friend who once asked of me why he was always struggling within himself with emotions. To be specific, those were emotions that he had towards another person but the struggles were always one-sided. He was always easily carried away by the strong feelings, so much so that he felt lost and empty when the feelings were gone. So, I started to think: How do these emotions arise and what are they? Is it love? Or is it something else? I believe that it is the latter because true love would never drive a person mad and nobody, no matter how deep love is, would give up on anything just so that he or she could retain the strong desire when the chemistry in our brains strike. Well, apparently, my friend was suffering within the intense emotions that he had because he did not realize that he was not in love after all. The feelings were brought about by what is called infatuation. Certainly, he was confused between love and infatuation. By definition, infatuation is a foolish and usua...

What is going on? It can't possibly be worse. What are my colleagues doing now? I too have 24 hours a day but I'm not productive at all. There is no sky and no clouds. I see no beam of light. No thing. I don't know what the heck I'm up to. 3 weeks, have I been dreaming? I certainly have been. I'm building sandcastles in the air, day and night. I can' possibly be worse. I was the head girl in school just 4 years ago and I used to rule the worst kids in school. Now I'm so gone. I can't even speak in front of the crowd. No one is listening anymore. It can't be worse. I feel like a head banger today. I know nothing in class. I feel like knocking my head on the wall literally. I'm feeling so tired. I have been pretending as if I'm a smart kid and I don't need studying. I've been lying to myself. I wonder why am I constantly waking up from my dreams from time to time. Am I awake even now? I can't be sure.  Orthopaedics is the...

5天的时间怎么过得如此快速。 今天的早晨，我在梦里度过，醒来的时候太阳已高挂空中。我听见妈妈在楼下厨房煮饭的声音。锅铲与锅子碰撞敲击的声音，熟悉又陌生。上一回涌上心头的这种情绪已不知是何年何月的事情了。 我到楼下去探个究竟，身心却不知怎得显得疲乏不已，懒洋洋地，该是因为今天是鲜有的假日了。炸过的江鱼仔发出香喷喷的味道，夹入的是香草被炒过的垂涎之味。此刻我好想让时钟停顿下来，让我再久久地细细品尝当中的幸福。园外传入割草机发动的声音，原来是孟加拉园丁在割草，闻见的是青草被割下后那新鲜的青涩味道，当中有一丝淡淡甜甜的香味，也令人些许回味。我走到客厅，从窗子看见对面屋外有个印裔伯伯在带着黑色吉娃娃狗狗散步。我想，如果我也有只小宠物，我必定也会带着它到屋外看看风和日丽下的美好景色，必定能心旷神怡。我回到楼上房间，打开房门，扑鼻的是一阵甜甜却不缺优雅华丽的味道。原来是妈妈昨日新买的香水。 这个早上，无意间我一直在用嗅觉去感受身边的所有事物，让我发现原来生活中只要多加一点细心，多观察，多听闻，多感受，便会发现一片红花落叶也能带来生命中无穷的真实感。

什么叫好的音乐？ 我比较幸运，自幼便有机会接触各类的乐器，也比较懂得欣赏交响乐，尤其喜欢弦乐之声，可是倘若要我分析一首交响曲，我可还一知半解。说白了，学了这么多年音乐我却还是无法简单地阐释交响曲的背景与寓意，对此我无地自容。然而，我仍然坚信我是懂得欣赏音乐的人。 有人曾经做过一项实验，观察各类音乐对人们体内液体的结晶呈现的不同形状。吵闹的没有旋律的声音会造成结晶呈现丑陋且没有规律的形状；雄浑的美妙的声音却让结晶体呈现美丽发亮的形状。要知道，人体60%是水分。对此说法，我极相信不同音乐导致所形成的结晶呈不同形状，因为听了优雅柔美的音乐，我如同把烦恼抛到九霄云外。 WAGNER Siegfried Idyll MENDELSSOHN A Midsummer Night’s Dream SCHUMANN Symphony No.1 今天的演奏会里，所呈献的是以上的曲子。演奏会前我并没有下功夫备课，所以对于音乐背景我毫无了解。可是当我细细聆听每一段旋律，进而逐渐投入于中时，我看见自己漂泊在印度洋上，那里蓝天白云，阵阵海风扑面而来，夹带着蒸发的海水潮湿的空气，令人精神爽朗。我抬头仰望，看见翅膀宽阔无比的黑色大鸟滑翔空中。我看见自由，也感到自由。我只知道，当下，我想永远漂泊在着没有格子的大海里。一不留神，我的思绪飘到无限遥远的地方了。回到大提琴上弓弦划过时发出的宽而低沉的音域，我又感同身受，涌上心头的是年年岁岁淡淡的忧伤，也是迷人的一种沧桑。 对我而言，能让思绪到达这么一个与躯体脱壳的境界，这种音乐，便是好的音乐。是上等的让人忘怀的声音。 妈妈坐在左侧，想必她也有自己对音乐的一番解读吧。 这个久违的约定，不知道下一次会是什么时候呢。

今天早上从睡梦中惊醒，脑海闪过一个画面，让我急忙检查床边手机上显示的时间。洗刷完毕，我的思绪仍是有点紊乱。我似乎想不起5个小时前我在做些什么，只见书桌上要读的东西堆积如山。 突然心里一慌，我猛地恍然大悟，似乎才发现，好像有什么地方出了错了。我没有前进，却只有原地踏步。书桌前蓝色布告板上贴着太多字条，我却刻意假装看不见。今天如梦初醒，我知道，我忘了，我必须回到原点上。亲啊，你难道还在梦中。 生命短暂，却因为身边发生的芝麻绿豆而忽略了太多更重要的事情。为自己许下的愿望，还有说过的承诺，是不是该一一实践呢。

每天早上最让人倾心的事情便是在医院前的十字路口上等待红灯转绿的短短60秒。那个时候，我总会仰望天空，看看刚升起的太阳。太阳升起的方向便是我每日工作的地方，最显眼的是那黄色一栋的医院楼。早晨让人倾心的第二个时刻，是走出医院与学校的衔接桥后要越过马路前必须停顿的路口。因为眼前便是那8层楼大厦，我学习的地方。粉黄色的大楼，从远处观望只看见一格格的窗户。我总喜欢猜想，窗户里的人在做些什么。 我的每一天早晨便是这么浩浩荡荡地开始。 今天傍晚我在急诊室当值。当学生的好处是，我能做医生没有时间做的事情，也不需要做只有医生才能做得事情。这么一来，我可以跟那里的病人聊天替他们解闷，也可以自由地跟随医生和患者。今天第一次跟随我的患者到了CT扫描的地方。原来那机器真的庞大无比，整个空间寒冷的很。若让我躺在病榻上然后被运进机器里，我肯定也免不了受惊害怕，更何况是有病在身的人。 我还在急诊室里遇见一个旧相识的患者。患者只有25岁，却总是旧病缠身，可怜她年纪轻轻便遭受各种折磨。我没跟她多说什么，只是把手放在她的肩膀上慢慢来回拂动，指示让她深呼吸，希望她暂时忘记痛楚，却只见她眼眶里都是泪水。 选了这条学医的路最让人没后悔的事情便是可以亲自接触每个不同的生命。即便只是在旁倾听，或是为他们盖上棉被，小小的动作可以让人开心许久。至今我仍相信，人类的触觉神经是奇妙的东西。因为触觉可以让人得到体温，而体温则是可以温暖心窝的元素。

今天我不知道天空的颜色。因为太阳西下了我才回家。眼睛累的发疼，双手搭在方向盘上等待红灯转绿时，我想，如果我是个充电座，那该多好。一整天待在诊所，又去上了4个小时的课却没见到什么令人振奋的事情。我想可能是时候回家啃书了，这样我才可以跟老师较劲，上课才会更有趣。只是今天看到的所有患者当中，有哪个不是吃止痛药过日子的。我的亲啊，有个骨性关节炎的老伯还长期吃了30余年的各种止痛药。先生啊，我会为你的肾脏祈祷的。那时候，我真有股冲动想让他尝试以针疚止痛。因为我看过也知道正规中医的针灸学可以有止痛的疗效却没有副作用之余，或许还可以调理那备受药物折腾的肾脏。可是那70岁的从印度来的教授坐在我面前，就像古代豪宅外的两只石狮子般在镇宅，气势浩大。我只能看着患者离去，心里的不忿只能暂时搁在一边。 今天的奶酪太难吃了，以往贪吃的我去了哪里。冰橱里有香蕉，我拿了一根只是随便咀嚼两口便又放下了。奶酪只有酸味，却怎么也吃不出以前牛奶的淳淳香味。可虽然我还是把它吃完，却没一点爽快。我也许真想啃食书本。那本Apley一直拿在手里我却还没认真把她研究一番，不禁让人心里十五个吊桶，七上八下。好想好好谈一场恋爱，Ortho先生你让我如此为生活奔波，就先让你陪伴我一下子吧。我想，在5个星期结束之前，我一定会爱上你的。

I like to hang my clothes. Because it is usually sunset by the time my clothes are ready. And I'd give myself a good 15 minutes. It is when I don't mess with anything medical, and it is time only for myself. I'd stare at the sky above me, wondering what is happening at infinity when pretty things start to form before me. Today I had to spend a little longer looking up at the sky. Because it is too beautiful. It is baby blue of naivety, so soft and so lovely. I saw a baby girl, tying up her pink Sansha flats. She made me miss my Bloch. I smelled Pureen, with a tint of Oceane, like the smell of Lampe Berger. There were fluffy orangy cotton candies, stretched across the sky, and overlapping one another. And then there was a sweet scent of zesty lemon. I looked to the left, and I saw shades of peachy red just like my Sasatinne blusher. I stretched my arms across the sky. I closed my eyes and my hands submerged into the wax bath, and all that I could feel was warmth. I ins...

That was a nice dream. But if you're cycling and I was left running after you, that its intention is to be kept just as a dream. You told me, whenever you feel lost and you can't see yourself in the ocean of people, you probably want to look up at the sky. And if the sky is blue and clouds fluffy and white, there is hope and you know where home is. Take a deep breath, wake up, leave them behind, and start working. Two things that I have identified just, now. That I am beautiful. And that, I will be more beautiful and for a very long time. As knowledge is what makes beauty, you can never run away from it. So when you are tired, close your eyes, think of the faces that made you days, because after that you will still move on to your next phase of life. Don't look out for a rainbow after the rain has stopped. Because the better is, that wherever and whenever it is, you can feel it and you can touch it because you know it is there. Even if you can't see it. This is wh...

此刻决堤的洪水，浩浩荡荡，如是久违。可确实存在的令人惊慌，只为过去72小时里发生的所有令人难舍不已。我坐在木板长凳上，铁路下一颗颗的小石子多的是。我想倘若我是石堆里的一颗石子。。那我的石子生涯里。。能与之碰擦摩擦的。。在我能够继续冥想之前，下丘脑突然使命地分泌肾上腺刺激素。天啊，我怎么心跳加速了呢。 生命无穷。可这四天得到的启发太多了。我由衷地感激所有在我生命里与我擦出火花的人，因为我重拾了这分冷酷无情里一丝的人情。即便只是生疏的脸孔朝你微笑，还是说着不同语言的人向你拥抱，只有人与人之间的体温和一腔热情才可抵得住刺骨的寒冷。虽然短暂，可是也长久。所以我喜欢拥抱。 天啊。已经第四次参加研讨会了，可是感觉怎么一次比一次强烈。惊涛骇浪，让人如何入眠呢。 研讨会最让人怀念的是人与人之间发生的奇妙的化学作用。 我想，以后我还会更频密地，一个人出走。 回想自己所受的恩惠，我是不该更懂得造福？ 这世界是寒冷的，因为你是寒冷的人。过去的几个月里，我冷得无比。今天想通了，原来是因为自己吝啬了热情，没了温度，自然冷漠。从今往后，是不是更该以老早便遗忘的人情来感化生命呢。 然而老子告诉我，生之畜之， 生 而不有 ， 为而不恃 ，长而不宰，是谓玄 德。所以凡事不图回报，便是天下皆知美了。

时间过得太快！还没进入主题，便已经到了傍晚时分。虽然22岁了，离家也进入第4年了，好多事情都可以自己处理自己解决了，从来也不曾是问题。可是如今要在很短的时间内做好多改变，心里不禁有种忐忑与不安。因为时间紧迫，我必须用EQ解决好多事情。第一次突然决定要乘飞机便立刻拨了电给爸爸，然后立刻就买了飞机票。感觉上好多事情还没定下，却又要做出一大堆改变。其实，我不喜欢也不习惯这种让人心跳加速的事情。 今天回到家已经快6点了，我累的要垮了，却还得提起劲把事情做好。可是可能因为太累了，脑筋没办法动了，我不知为何把仅有的3件白袍都丢进洗衣机里洗了，心想晚上把它熨平了明天便可穿去上学。看来我忘了这里没有干衣机，可恶。现在可怜的我必须把白袍放在风扇前吹干。 明天要去亚罗士打参加一个研讨会，可是到现在包袱什么的都还没整理好。今天突然被人点名无端端当上了组长，现在还在对着时间表处理分组的琐碎事。水电费还没付，看来仅剩3天就截止了。打开电脑登上银行网站却竟然找不到从前存在的水供局名字，让人怎么付费啊亲啊。 反正当很多事情一起涌进来，你有没有余地可退，便只能一步一步地解决了。千万不可慌张，因为一慌，便易促成大错小错，就像把全部白袍都拿去洗了一样。 亲，加油。 颈项虽然累，肩膀虽然感到重重的，可是屋外还有清新的空气，世界还有美妙的事情等着我去做。 对了，今天我又做了乳酪沙拉。我把蒸好的马铃薯颗粒参入切碎的苹果中，再加入希腊式乳酪，一点盐粒和胡椒粉，黏黏稠稠的，一点酸，一点甜，又一点咸，吃起来还挺不错。

第一次用鲜橙做乳酪沙拉，鲜橙与乳酪2种不一样的酸味混在一起原来真的很难入口。看着冰橱里已经熟透的奇异果，我便手多也把它切了参入沙拉中。本来以为把好吃的水果混在一起一块吃会更美味，岂知味道太难让人接受了。彻底后悔了！ 今天是新学年第一天。我到了上午11点便开始打盹，教授提及的也不知漏掉了多少重要的资料。可是我的心情并没有因此而受到影响，漫长的一天中，到了下午我还是提起精神把课上完。4点45分下课后，我独自走向那露天停车场取车，我抬起头想望向天空，看到的是已经长得茂密无比的大树旁生的小树。我深呼吸，天虽然热，却也感到一种清爽，自在。 下午回到家虽然感觉自己快累垮了，却也没让自己小睡太久，也没让自己碰什么费神的事。因为我负了重任，绝不可轻举妄动便辜负了自己。7点钟我换上操裤穿上运动鞋便第一次开始运动起来。不到30分钟，天快黑了，蚊子也多的是，我便回家了。留了满身的汗后还真是身心爽快，难怪有的人会运动上瘾。其实我喜欢这种“感觉”健康的感觉，所以就冲着这种心情，我想我必定得坚持每天出外跑步，让自己沉浸在清新的流动的空气里，心境肯定旷然。