1% of dislike
You know that you need an exclusive moment for yourself when you don't like your feelings and when you are sure that what is going on is not what you like to see. Right now this feeling is private and it should only be within yourself. Sometimes, you don't even want to open it up to your own self. That is how private it is to me.
It's been a while since I last had this terrible feeling of disliking someone who I used to get along pretty well. Maybe I was lucky enough that I don't have to go through all these emotions again. Well, maybe a third party might think that it is after all my problem of being to sensitive to things that happen around me. They are meant to be good things that bring happiness but somewhat or somehow, especially when I react slower than others, my mind tend to take a longer time to accept the sudden changes.
It is morally impolite to mention this here as it might cause tragedy if it went public. So I shall just focus on me - My thoughts, and how should I go about it to make things better.
Well, again, perhaps it's just my problem of being too sensitive. Or too conservative perhaps. But the one and only thing that for sure goes against my principle is the concept of allowing an opposite gender to breach your private space, specifically, your physical body. I do not think that it is wrong. People send signals and feelings through touch, which is one of the most important sensory modalities in a human being. However, even now, after a fortnight after the confession, I still could not accept the fact that a young adult lady naturally allows a man to be in close contact with her body just for 3 weeks after she has been confessed to by the guy. All men are men. It would still go against my principle if I were to allow a man to touch my body even though the man was deeply in love with me - definitely not in 3 weeks time.
As a close friend of mine, if I would consider, I was reluctantly disappointed and confused. Maybe I am wrong. or maybe I was wrong. The girl whom I knew wasn't the girl that I know. Of course I hope that I was wrong. But still, now that every time when I see the two of them together, I could not help but scenes of them cuddling each other in front of me, too awful to be described, all came back in a split of a second. That moment would probably be the worst time that I can ever imagine while thinking about the times we spent together for the past 2 years.
Why? Did I think too much?
As a friend I probably should support whatever my friend does. And bless them. But no, I don't think I can resist my feeling at least for now. I felt unsupported, sometimes even left out because of that. But I cannot accept things that go against my principle. Maybe it takes more time for me to accept it. Maybe it will take forever.
Sigh.
What do you see here, once I asked myself.
Yes, I saw power. The power of love. How it changes a person in a split of a second. And How it causes inflicted feelings, be them good or bad, in people and the surroundings.
It's been a while since I last had this terrible feeling of disliking someone who I used to get along pretty well. Maybe I was lucky enough that I don't have to go through all these emotions again. Well, maybe a third party might think that it is after all my problem of being to sensitive to things that happen around me. They are meant to be good things that bring happiness but somewhat or somehow, especially when I react slower than others, my mind tend to take a longer time to accept the sudden changes.
It is morally impolite to mention this here as it might cause tragedy if it went public. So I shall just focus on me - My thoughts, and how should I go about it to make things better.
Well, again, perhaps it's just my problem of being too sensitive. Or too conservative perhaps. But the one and only thing that for sure goes against my principle is the concept of allowing an opposite gender to breach your private space, specifically, your physical body. I do not think that it is wrong. People send signals and feelings through touch, which is one of the most important sensory modalities in a human being. However, even now, after a fortnight after the confession, I still could not accept the fact that a young adult lady naturally allows a man to be in close contact with her body just for 3 weeks after she has been confessed to by the guy. All men are men. It would still go against my principle if I were to allow a man to touch my body even though the man was deeply in love with me - definitely not in 3 weeks time.
As a close friend of mine, if I would consider, I was reluctantly disappointed and confused. Maybe I am wrong. or maybe I was wrong. The girl whom I knew wasn't the girl that I know. Of course I hope that I was wrong. But still, now that every time when I see the two of them together, I could not help but scenes of them cuddling each other in front of me, too awful to be described, all came back in a split of a second. That moment would probably be the worst time that I can ever imagine while thinking about the times we spent together for the past 2 years.
Why? Did I think too much?
As a friend I probably should support whatever my friend does. And bless them. But no, I don't think I can resist my feeling at least for now. I felt unsupported, sometimes even left out because of that. But I cannot accept things that go against my principle. Maybe it takes more time for me to accept it. Maybe it will take forever.
Sigh.
What do you see here, once I asked myself.
Yes, I saw power. The power of love. How it changes a person in a split of a second. And How it causes inflicted feelings, be them good or bad, in people and the surroundings.
Comments
Post a Comment